


The Walls Kept Tumbling Down

by spirithorse



Category: Code Geass
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-01-12 17:32:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 42,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1193694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spirithorse/pseuds/spirithorse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knew that it was dangerous, coming so far out from the capital, but he had to see for himself. He had to know that Nunnally would be safe. Of course he should have known that all of them weren’t safe, they hadn’t been for five years. But he had to know whether he should take his sister and flee or just accept the death that was coming for them. A Code Geass/Attack on Titan fusion.  (May contain spoilers for the manga)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the following little drabbles can be found on my tumblr (eachainn.tumblr.com) under the Attack on Geass tag, because this bunch didn't really have a title for the longest time. Also, I just kind of write these when I get the time/inspiration, so they'll be posted out of chronological order.

He shouldn’t have been out in the town. 

He knew that it was dangerous, coming so far out from the capital, but he had to see for himself. He had to know that Nunnally would be safe. Of course he should have known that all of them weren’t safe, they hadn’t been for five years. But he had to know whether he should take his sister and flee or just accept the death that was coming for them. Lelouch was not about to listen to all the other military commanders that bowed and promised his father that they would all be safe, just as long as they stayed deep inside Wall Sina. They were all in the pay of the nobles, and knew better than to frighten the emperor. The last time that had happened, entire families had suffered.

Emperor Charles had called it a mission to reclaim the land lost when Wall Maria fell, but everyone knew what it really was. They were getting rid of the refugees that they couldn’t feed and the commanders who had displeased Charles. The same commanders who had promised that the walls could never fall to the titans. But it had happened once at Wall Maria, and it was happening again now.

Lelouch threw his arms over his head as something careened into the building behind him, wincing at the flakes of stone that bombarded him. He risked a glance under his arm, his eyes widening as he saw the titan recovering from its wild flight. The creature rocked a bit on its feet before turning to face him, Lelouch swallowing a scream and putting more effort into running.

If he could get into a building and hide, maybe he could last until the titan passed; nevermind the fact that he had seen titans reaching into buildings and pulling people out screaming. It was his only chance since his guards had deserted him and he had ordered the Stationary Troops to go help with the evacuation of the town.

Behind him, he could hear the heavy footfalls as the titan picked up speed again, the ground shaking under his feet. Lelouch ducked his head, wishing that he had spent less time in the library and more time exercising. Maybe then he wouldn’t have been about to be caught and eaten. Then again, he would have been doomed either way. There was no way to outrun a titan.

A shadow fell over him, Lelouch throwing a frightened glance over his shoulder to see the titan leaning down over him, hand hovering. He was sure that he squeaked. Lelouch stumbled to a stop, wanting to keep moving but struck but the inevitability of his situation. He was going to die in a small town on Wall Rose, and there was nothing he could do about it. He would never see his sister again, never get to see Nunnally grow up. He would never be able to protect her. Even worse, he would going to hurt her by dying. And all because he hadn’t been prepared.

He resisted the urge to close his eyes as the titan reached down for him. If he was going to die this way, he was going to meet death with his eyes wide open, defiant to the end.

Something moved out of the corner of his eye. Lelouch saw the sunlight flash off something and a faint hiss, all brief impressions before a blur disappeared behind the titan.

The titan paused in its attack, swaying in place before beginning to collapse to the ground. Shocked by the sudden turn of events, Lelouch could only stand there as the behemoth toppled towards him. He only vaguely registered the spray of the titan’s blood on him before something collided with him, knocking the breath out of him.

For a moment, Lelouch was on the ground, and then he was flying through the air, clinging to someone that smelled of leather, metal and the strange scent of titan blood. Lelouch spared a glance for the rooftops that sped by under his feet, deciding to close his eyes as the sight made his stomach churn. It was almost too much to process. A moment ago, he had been about to be eaten and now he was being whisked away, probably by one of the Stationary Guards. For a moment, he was almost ashamed that he’d been rescued, but no one could have expected him to be able to fight a titan on his own, especially without training.

The person holding him shifted, the two of them rocking back a bit. Lelouch opened his eyes a fraction, keeping his eyes on the green shirt that he was pressed against. He started when he felt his savior move, the man speaking into his ear. “Feet up, your highness, unless you want to lose them.”

Lelouch followed the order, pulling his legs up as they slowed down. He glanced down as the roof of the house came up under them, his savior taking a few jogging steps before slowing, Lelouch deciding that it was safe to lower his own legs.

As soon as he was sure that he was safe, Lelouch pushed away from the man, straightening his jacket out of a need to do something with his hands. He was torn between thanking the man or scolding him for handling him so roughly. Lelouch was a son of the emperor, after all. Certainly there was a little more decorum that he could have been handled with. In any case, he would have to thank the man and figure out a way to make sure that the Stationary Guards were properly rewarded for one of their member’s courage.

He took a shaky breath, turning to look at the man only to find that his savior wasn’t paying any attention to him. The man had already walked up to the apex of the roof and was surveying the town with his back to Lelouch. Lelouch frowned, intending to storm over to the man and demand his attention when he recognized the badge on the back of the man’s jacket. It wasn’t the intertwined roses of the Stationary Guard, it was the two wings of the Scouting Legion.

Lelouch took a quick step back, staring at the man in shock. The man finally seemed to notice him then, turning his head to give Lelouch a smile. “Don’t worry, your highness. I’m just plotting a route to get you to safety without running into any titans.”

“But you’re-”

“Just returned in time for this mess.” The man turned completely, giving Lelouch the proper military salute. It looked like he was going to continue on when he was interrupted.

“Lance Corporal!” The man turned, raising a hand to wave at the three people coming in to land on the rooftop. All three of them wore the same patches that identified them as the Scouting Legion,  The two women came in for a landing first, the red haired one immediately going over to Lelouch’s savior and smacking him on the back of the head. “What do you think you were doing, Kururugi? You give us orders and just sweep off like that? Without backup!”

“Sorry. But I saw someone that needed help.” His savior gestured over to him, Lelouch barely paying attention to the rest of the squad’s reactions to him. He was too busy picking over the information that he had gotten.

The Scouting Legion had returned from their attempt to regain Wall Maria, which meant that it had been a failure. More importantly, it meant that they had reinforcements to hold the town until the gate could be closed and the rest of the people evacuated. But that was something for the commanders already present to worry about. Lelouch’s attention was fixed on the man who had saved him.

Everyone knew about the Scouting Legion, the group called heroes and a waste of resources in the same breath. Even with the mixed opinions on them, everyone still knew the members that had survived for the past five years. Five years fighting titans and surviving meant that they loomed larger than life. Everyone knew about Commander Tohdoh, the man famous for his miracle at another besieged town earlier in the year. There were whispers in the court that Tohdoh would perform another miracle soon, one that would grant them Wall Maria back.

After Command Tohdoh, Lance Corporal Kururugi was the most talked about. Suzaku Kururugi was Tohdoh’s protégé, and leader of the elite squad that had the largest number of confirmed titan kills. Although the members of the squad varied depending on the mission and year, Kururugi was always at their head. He was nearly as legendary as Commander Tohdoh.

Lelouch eyed the three other people on the roof with him, trying to bring up their names from memory. His half-sister Cornelia was more likely to remember their names, as she was a patron of the Military Police and generally spent her time with new recruits and the military commanders. Euphemia would also know their names, because the Scouting Legion were all heroes to her. At court, she was the most outspoken about their continued support, because she believed that they would be the people to save humanity. Lelouch had his own suspicions about why she doted so much on Lance Corporal Kururugi, and he could see for himself that his suspicions, and the rumors, were true.

He looked away from Kururugi’s back, focusing on the rest of the squad again. If he was right, that meant that the red headed woman was Kallen Kozuki, Kururugi’s second in command. The shorter woman would be Anya Alstreim and the blond man Gino Weinberg. Lelouch was sure that there were more members to Kururugi’s squad, at least there had been more when the Scouting Legion had left. Lelouch didn’t let him wonder about the sudden depletion, he was sure that he didn’t want to know.

Kallen and Suzaku argued over something in low voices, Lelouch quickly completing his look over of Suzaku squad. He was safe for now, and that was all that mattered. As long as he could pick his way along the roofs, he would be fine. Someone would pick him up. Lelouch wanted the elite squad to go out into battle, they had the best chances of victory, especially since the only ones out there were recruits and the Stationary Guard.

He cleared his throat, intending to give the squad their orders when Suzaku turned around. The lance corporal glanced up and down before nodding at Gino. “Take him and keep a tight hold. We don’t want the emperor breathing down our necks because we got his son killed.”

Lelouch jumped as he felt an arm settle around his waist. He glanced up at Gino before shaking his head, trying to shove the man’s arm away. “No. You should go fight. I’ll be fine.”

“Like you were before?”

Lelouch bit back the reply that he wanted to make. It would just waste them time. “I was caught off guard. You are needed elsewhere.”

Kallen stepped forward, Lelouch leaning back against Gino as the woman got into his face. “Listen here you spoiled brat.”

“Kallen…”

“Shut up, sir.” Lelouch looked over at Suzaku, surprised when Suzaku gave him a helpless shrug and went back to watching the titans. Kallen didn’t bother to watch her commander. “We lost four on our mission and three on the way back. I had to watch Naomi die when we went over the walls. Suzaku could have died saving your ass.”

“Your point?”

“If we don’t get you back in one piece, all of that will have been for nothing. All of their deaths. So you let us do our job and then you go back and do yours.”

“And that is?”

“Tell everyone how great we are, so we don’t have to beg for money and supplies. I don’t want to watch more people die because of sub-par equipment or lack of food. Got it, prince?”

Lelouch was tempted to give her a salute just to mock her, but the glare that she was leveling at him changed his mind. He gave her a slow nod, glad when Kallen finally backed off.

She gave Suzaku a salute, the lance corporal turning around just in time to see it. He recognized it when a nod, his arms held behind his back. Kallen dropped her arms back to her sides. “His royal highness is ready for transport back to the safety of the wall.”

“Thank you Kozuki.” Suzaku tipped his head to the side, Lelouch catching sight of a green plume of smoke rising. “And it looks like Marco has the situation under control on his end. They’ll be keeping the titans on the far side of the town until the rest of the recruits can clear this section of the town. We’ll go and refuel before returning.”

Anya had been fumbling with a pouch at her side, just above their extra sword blades, during Suzaku’s orders. She produced a gun, quickly loading a canister and firing. Lelouch winced at the sound, watching as the green plume of smoke rose. He assumed that it was Suzaku’s reply, because he didn’t get a chance to ask Suzaku about it. Gino swept him up and turned, running for the end of the roof.

Lelouch closed his eyes the moment they were suspended in space. He could hear the wind whistling past them, along with the sound of the wires being retracted and fired again. If that wasn’t disconcerting enough, the rocking motion that Gino had to keep up to stay upright was. There were times when Lelouch felt like he was going to be dropped to the ground when Gino leaned forward, or when the man rocked back. He had never wanted to be on the ground more than now, and Lelouch could only bite his lip and hope that the way was clear. If he couldn’t handle the easy maneuvers that Gino was doing, then he could never be able to stand up if they ran into trouble.

As if his thoughts had summoned them, Lelouch heard the sound of titans approaching. He opened his eyes, craning his head over his shoulder to see the two creatures charging after them. He was sure that he yelped, but the sound wasn’t what alerted Gino to their presence, the man was already staring at them. Lelouch heard Gino curse before the man shouted. “Suzaku, we need some breathing room!”

Lelouch looked back up at Suzaku in time to see the lance corporal glance their way. Suzaku’s hands dropped to the swords, one hand sweeping out to the side for a moment. Lelouch didn’t have the time to think over the motion because Suzaku and Kallen were dropping back. He tried to twist so he could follow them, but Gino kept a tight hold. “Stop squirming, your higheness.”

He huffed, but settled down, keeping his eyes open. If any other titans came their way, he wanted to see them. It was better than being scared and in the dark. As it was, he could see a few, but they were all by the walls. Lelouch assumed that the dots that ran along the walls were the rest of the recruits. They must have been called back to the walls under Waldstein’s orders. Lelouch vaguely remembered seeing the commander within the town before the titans attacked. He had no idea what the commander’s plan was, but it was keeping the titans away from the streets.

When he risked a look below, Lelouch could see people running. A few of them looked up as Gino and Anya flew overhead, Lelouch sure that he heard a few cheers. He relief at seeing humans was cut short when the cheers turned to screams.

A titan had wandered away from the rest of the walls, approaching the mass of humanity that was trying to get out through the small gate. Lelouch tightened his grip on Gino’s arm. There weren’t any other military personnel around, none with the 3D Maneuver Gear that was needed to fight the titans. If Gino set him down, the two could go and fight the titan off. It would help them in the long run, getting rid of a titan and keeping the fleeing townspeople from panicking.

He didn’t have time to give the order, Lelouch watching as someone catapulted up from between a row of houses. He caught sight of red hair, his mouth dropping open as Kallen careened toward the titan. For a moment, it looked like they were going to collide, but she twisted to the side, her next hook attaching to the titan’s shoulder instead of the building that Lelouch thought it was aimed for. As she swung around, Kallen brought both of her blades down, Lelouch seeing a chunk of flesh fly off before the titan fell.

Kallen disappeared as well, only to appear again on one of the roofs. She ran along the top of the houses until she came to the end of the row, taking to the air again. Lelouch expected her to come in close again, but she stayed far off, probably looking for any more titans that decided that the humans on the ground would make for better prey. Lelouch snapped his mouth shut, watching as Kallen easily kept place with them from her new position.

A sharp command from Gino reminded him to raise his legs before landing. He was let go sooner than he expected, Lelouch landing at a run and nearly falling on his face. He caught himself against one of the canons, turning to watch as Gino bounced in for a landing. The blond grinned at him before walking over to where Kallen was rushing towards them. Anya had wandered off as well, Lelouch spotting her talking to a group of recruits that seemed to be in charge of resupplying the people that came back to the wall.

He turned to hail Gino when he saw a titan running for the wall.

For a moment, he froze in fear. He had heard about the titan that had broken through Wall Maria, and this titan looked nothing like the reports had described. Still, there had already been two anomalies, and that was more than enough to make Lelouch uneasy. He took a step back, turning so he could see Kallen and Gino. “Kallen!”

She looked surprised that he had shouted for her, her surprise only lasting a moment. Then she was running towards him, Lelouch recognizing the familiar half crouched position that most 3D Maneuver Gear users took before they took off. Kallen reached his side before skidding to a stop, Lelouch leaning forward as well at the whiz of wires being retracted. Belatedly, he noticed the hook that dug into the top of the wall, Lelouch tempted to lean out all the way when Suzaku appeared.

He remained airborne for a moment before falling back toward the wall. Lelouch expected Suzaku to land, surprised when the lance corporal used one foot to push off the wall, releasing his hook at the same time. The shove off the wall sent Suzaku into a spin, Lelouch only able to make out the flash of his blades as Suzaku dropped towards the titan. Lelouch expected Suzaku to send out another line for stability, only for Suzaku to just cut across the nape of the titan’s neck, still in his spin. It was only then that Suzaku sent out another line, looping himself around a tower before shooting himself back towards the wall.

Once again, Suzaku didn’t put out another wire, coming in for a landing at full speed.

Lelouch felt Kallen grab onto his collar and pull him back as Suzaku came down onto the wall, still at a run. He stared at Suzaku as the lance corporal ran past, turning around and coming back to them at an easy jog when his momentum had slowed.

Kallen released his collar as Suzaku got close, storming over to him and slapping the side of his head. Suzaku recoiled, staring at her in shock. Kallen gestured wildly for a moment before sighing and shaking her head. “You’re going to break your leg one of these days.”

Suzaku just shrugged, the answer not the one that Kallen wanted. She growled and strode over to where Anya was, leaving Suzaku to come back and stand alongside Lelouch.

He stared at the hand that Suzaku rested on his shoulder for a moment before the lance corporal remembered himself. “Sorry. But you should be able to get someone to take you down behind the wall from here.” Suzaku’s attention was out where the titans were being distracted, although the creatures were beginning to lose interest and wander off. He frowned and stepped away from Lelouch, shouting to his squad. “Refuel and reload. We’re going out as soon as you’re done.”

Lelouch stood up on his tip toes, squinting out towards the break in the gate to the town. “You’re going to need a way to close that gate.”

He didn’t expect the annoyed look that Suzaku shot him. “Why don’t you work on that.”

And then he was gone, jogging over to replace his canisters of gas and get new blades. Lelouch watched the rest of his squad follow Suzaku, taking in the details of the operation for a moment. It was quick and efficient, just what he would have expected from the troops, even if the ones working the resupply were recruits. Perhaps Cornelia had a point in supporting the military.

Lelouch had never had an opinion of any of the branches, his attention had been on keeping Nunnally from the machinations of the court and keeping her safe. After Wall Maria had been breached and there was a chance that Wall Rose could follow, keeping her in the capital wasn’t as safe as he thought it was. He knew that Cornelia supported the Military Police for their protection of the land that they had left, but it was obvious that just holding what they had wouldn’t be enough. Maybe the Scouting Legion had a point in trying to reclaim the territory that they had lost. And, considering what he had seen today, Lelouch was sure that they could do it; all they needed was support. He was sure that Cornelia could be convinced to turn part of her attention to the Scouting Legion if he reported what had happened here.

And maybe it was time he took interest in something outside of his sister. The nobles of the court would dismiss it as a prince having a hobby, and he was welcome to let them. The nobles’ thoughts didn’t matter to him, not when he was playing a larger game. If they could reclaim the land up to Wall Maria, then everyone would be able to breathe easier. And it would be a step in the right direction, a step towards reclaiming the world.

He smiled to himself, turning his gaze towards the ragged hole in the wall. They would have to start somewhere, and there was nothing to do but save the town. Not only would it secure the military to a place of favor in the eyes of the people, but it would also mean that they wouldn’t have to compress their population further. Lelouch didn’t want to have to watch another batch of sacrifices walk off to their deaths. The gate was the first thing that had to be fixed, then he could figure out his report to his older sister and how to sway her to his side.

The best way to do that was to offer to take the Scouting Legion completely under his influence. He had Aries Villa, the old castle standing empty since his mother’s death. He also had his royal stipend, more than enough to contribute to the Scouting Legion. Lelouch would have to ask Nunnally about the plan, since she held a share in the villa, but he was sure that she would agree. She was just as enamored of the Scouting Legion as Euphemia was.

Lelouch looked away from the hole in the wall at a shout from Suzaku, watching as he gave his squad orders before sending them off. Lelouch let his gaze drift down Suzaku’s back, taking in the short jacket, green shirt and white pants, all criss-crossed with the straps needed to use the 3D Maneuver Gear. He let his gaze linger on where the straps stood out against the white pants„ only looking up with Suzaku turned around to give him a questioning look. Lelouch simply smiled and waved, nearly laughing at the confused look that crossed Suzaku’s face before the lance corporal followed his squad.

He watched Suzaku go, tracking their progress and the plumes of smoke that rose from the town. After a moment, he turned and started heading toward where he could see Commander Waldstein’s flag fluttering. That’s where the command would be, and he had a few ideas to share, ones that would close the breach and save lives. If he was lucky, he would find Commander Tohdoh there as well. Lelouch could deliver his promise to help fund the Scouting Legion and the possibility of a stable base instead of getting shuttled around to various abandoned castles.

To his left, Lelouch saw Suzaku swing by, surprised that the man managed a bow while flying through the air. Lelouch returned with a careful incline of his head, not even sure that Suzaku saw it. The man was already heading back into battle. Lelouch watching him go before shaking his head, reminding himself of his plan. He couldn’t afford the distraction at the moment, no matter how worthwhile it seemed.

Lelouch smiled to himself. He could definitely get behind supporting the Scouting Legion 


	2. Chapter 2

Lelouch wasn’t sure what he hated more; the send off to scouting missions outside of the walls or waiting for the corps to return after completion. They were both extended periods of waiting, tension in the ranks and so much worry that Lelouch’s stomach would not settle. He couldn’t begin to figure out how Tohdoh or Suzaku remained calm long enough to lead the Scouting Legion away from Aries Villa and to their destination. He would have broken down under the stress from the circumstances a long time ago.

Then again, that was probably the reason that he was free to remain in the Aries Villa, far away from his father and the court. Schneizel was more than competent enough to take over the throne, if the nobles would let him. They seemed to prefer Odysseus though, just because they could get away with so much more. None of them seemed to want Lelouch there, especially after he had ignored the lot of them and thrown his support to the Scouting Legion. He assumed that they all regarded him as an idiot, not that he cared.

At least he was doing something instead of just worrying about what would happen if the titans breached the walls again. It was something, even if Lelouch spent most of his mornings pacing the balcony outside of his room. It was getting to the point that the staff and soldiers that had been too injured to go with the latest expedition were calling it the widow’s walk.

The casual insinuation was enough to make Lelouch want to snap at them, but he held himself back. Everyone in the castle was nervous, waiting for any kind of news. With an expedition outside of the walls, any news was better than no news. And, if there was anything that Lelouch had learned from living close to the Scouting Legion, it was that soldiers dealt with their nerves with humor.

He turned away from the balcony, leaning against it as he stared into his bedroom. It was cleaner now that Suzaku was gone, no gear thrown haphazardly into chairs or on tables. No clothes bunched up and tossed into a corner to be washed later. It was back to the standards that Lelouch had preferred, and he hated it.

Lelouch bit his lip, his fingers drumming out a quick rhythm on the stone of the railing. He was tempted to get his horse and ride out to see his sister.

Nunnally had come down to live with Euphemia about an hours ride away. Neither of them had wanted to live in the same place as the Scouting Legion, their hero worship of the group didn’t go that far, but they wanted to be close. Riding off to visit Nunnally would be a good way to keep his thoughts from running in the same circle that they had been traveling in for the past few days.

His decision made, Lelouch pushed away from the railing. He stepped inside to seek out riding attire when there was a shout from the courtyard below. Lelouch rushed back to the balcony without a second thought, clinging to the railing as he looked out.

On the road to Aries Villa he could see a rising plume of dust, the first riders already emerging from it and heading to the castle’s gates. The gates had been swung open by the people already in the courtyard and more were pouring out.

Lelouch was quick to join them, forgoing the proper decorum in favor of dashing down the stairs and out into the courtyard. He thought he heard a few chuckles from the staff, but the sound wasn’t cruel. The men seemed to like the fact that their benefactor was invested in their safety.

He bounded down the steps, the crowd moving aside for him as he rushed to the front. Lelouch came to a rocking stop, staring at the column of men that was coming through.

A few of them had already dismounted and were passing their horses off to those waiting. Most of them only had time to throw the reins to a waiting soldier before they were engulfed in a tangled of limbs. One barely got off his horse in time to be pulled into a tight hug by one of the injured who had remained behind, the soldier leaning gratefully into the one armed hug of his comrade.

Lelouch looked away from their reunion, preferring to scan the group for others.

It was already evident that the corps had suffered horrible losses. There were gaps in the line, horses that were being led back instead of ridden. Lelouch couldn’t even see the carts that were at the end of the column, the ones that were sure to be carrying the dead, but he was sure that most of the carts had been shifted to that use.

He swallowed, looking away for Commander Tohdoh. As soon as all the men were taken care of, he would have to talk to Tohdoh. Despite horrendous loses, there had to be a way to spin the expedition so that the Scouting Legion wouldn’t lose everything that they had gained.

All thoughts of talking to the commander were pushed out of his head when he saw the man.

When Tohdoh had ridden out at the head of the column, he had had his ever present squad around him. Four of the best were always by the commander’s side, the five of them having gone through training together.

Now there was only one.

Nagisa Chiba was swaying in her saddle, her head and one arm swathed in bandages. By her side was Gino, the blond riding with one hand on her shoulder to keep her upright. Tohdoh was on the other side, the reins of Chiba’s horse in his hand.

Lelouch looked back down the column, trying to pick out the next group that he needed to see. With Gino near the front, it would be harder to pick out Suzaku’s squad. Both Kallen and Anya would be easily dwarfed by some of the men that were riding in with them.

He started picking his way down the line, searching for a familiar face within the crowd. To his surprise, most of the soldiers glanced at him before looking away. Their reluctance to meet his gaze just made Lelouch walk faster, the prince nearly running as he hit the first bunch of carts.

He could hear the groans of the wounded as the carts bumped onto the cobblestones of the courtyard. Someone would have to give the orders to start moving them into the castle and someone would have to organize the removal. But that would all have to wait until Lelouch had made sure that Suzaku had come back.

Thankfully, the cart drivers were more helpful than their fellow soldiers. They would shake their heads and gesture back, Lelouch feeling dread settle in his stomach the further back they directed him. There were only a few carts left between him and the ones that held the corpses. If he was moved past the last cart of injured soldiers, Lelouch wasn’t sure what he would do.

He stumbled up to the last cart before the corpses, nearly forgetting to exhale as the driver just nodded. It took him a moment to scramble into the back, Lelouch have to make an awkward jump into the cart. He got a few splinters stuck in his palms for his efforts, but Lelouch ignored them in favor of staring at the person lying in the cart.

Anya looked up as he came over, the girl reaching down to tap Suzaku’s shoulder. It took a few taps and a hard shake to get Suzaku to wake up, and even then it looked like Suzaku was about to fall back asleep.

He did manage a smile when he saw Lelouch, pulling one hand out from underneath the cloak draped over him to wave. “We’re back.”

Lelouch nodded, too busy looking Suzaku over. Knowing the lance corporal, he wouldn’t have allowed himself to be stuck in a cart if he could have ridden in. Suzaku had all four limbs, which was enough to make Lelouch sigh in relief and sit back. It was only on his second check that Lelouch noticed the splints tied to Suzaku’s leg.

"What-" 

"I broke it." Suzaku was coherent enough to look sheepish. "I landed badly."

"Kallen always said you would."

"Please don’t tell her." Suzaku tugged the cloak over his face. "She’ll never stop reminding me."

Lelouch reached up to pull the cloak back down, arranging it so it covered Suzaku again. “I think she already knows.”

"Damn it." Suzaku yawned, groping blindly with one hand until he could grab Lelouch’s. "Save me."

"From her? I don’t know if I can."

"Try?"

Lelouch squeezed Suzaku’s hand. “Of course.”

That seemed to be enough for him, Suzaku yawning again before drifting off to sleep.

Lelouch continued to hold his hand as the wagon rumbled into the courtyard.


	3. Chapter 3

C.C. lounged against the side of the barn, watching the new recruits stumble around. She snorted and shifted so she was a little more in the sunlight, enjoying the warmth against her skin.

Recruits were always a source of entertainment, trying their best to stay out of everyone’s way while trying to impress their superiors. It always led to a lot of bumping into each other and muttered conversations on the edge of the training grounds. It wasn’t like the officers didn’t already know about each recruit, all of their scores were transferred to the branch of the military that they joined.

She watched as a pair of recruits slammed into each other while practicing the jump from their horses, looking away as Kallen waded in to shout at them. That was a common enough occurrence anyway. Kallen would shout at them until the had managed to untangle themselves and get back to the exercise.

C.C. tipped her head back, staring at the castle that loomed up over them, smiling at the familiarity. Nothing had changed since she had last come to see Marianne, back when she had been part of the Military Police. Then again, considering Lelouch, it wasn’t a surprise that nothing had changed. Marianne’s son was probably clinging to his childhood home for reasons that he wouldn’t be able to fully understand, which was why she had to watch him. It was a favor to Marianne and it was the only way that she could be safe herself. Deserting from the Military Police was rare, but viciously punished.

Of course, that didn’t matter if they couldn’t find her.

Charles and V.V. were far too busy in their own schemes to take notice of Lelouch or the company he kept. In fact, Lelouch’s choice to favor the Survey Corps with his attention was something that would save her some effort of protecting him. Despite the rumors, everyone in the corps was at least competent enough to keep Lelouch from hurting himself or being killed. It was the absolute last place that Charles would look if he ever pulled his attention from the walls.

After Marianne’s death and the fall of Wall Maria, Charles had been fanatical about keeping the walls up no matter the cost. C.C. didn’t blame him, considering what the people would do when they found out everything. Besides, it just meant that she was allowed to move about freely. Charles was holed up in Pendragon, behind Wall Sina and V.V. had disappeared after Shiganshina had been destroyed. Knowing him, V.V. had probably gone back to the order to continue what he and Charles had promised to do.

What that meant for her she didn’t know, and that made C.C. nervous for her own sake.

She drummed her fingers against the stable wall. She had known the bare minimum of the plan, back when she had been ready to help carry it out. Now, she wasn’t so sure if she could just go along with it. What she had in the Scouting Legion was interesting and certainly more safe than V.V’s base of operations far outside Wall Maria. To a girl who had lived most of her life scrounging for her next meal, the idea of having a stable supply of food relaxed her. All the food that she would need and a ready supply of blades if things went south.

C.C. eyed the soldiers out on the training field. Half of them would be dead by the same time next year, but there would be more. Tohdoh was making enough advances that the Scouting Legion was bound to get new recruits, and probably just in time. With the way things were going, they would probably begin to poke their noses into V.V’s business, something V.V. would never tolerate.

She stopped her drumming and curled her fingers into her palm. If Tohdoh kept going, then it was likely that there would be some kind of war brewing. From what she could see, humanity wouldn’t be cowed again.

Maybe it was time that she evened the odds. There were a few prime recipients in the Scouting Legion, ones that would survive the expeditions and come back safe. Since fleeing from V.V. and the Military Police, C.C. only had a small supply left and she certainly didn’t want to waste it on soldiers who would just die. She had already made a bad call with Mao, which had thankfully been rectified when Trost had been rescued. No one questioned the death of one more soldier among many.

C.C. turned her attention back to the new recruits, watching them stumble through the exercise again. This time, most of them managed not to get themselves tangled, earning shouted praise from Gino. She ignored their antics, focusing on individuals in the group.

She had tried again with Leila very early on, a few weeks before she had heard how Marianne had died and decided to leave the order. But it didn’t look like it had taken. Then again, it had been an early version of the serum, when they were still trying to figure out how the shift would work. C.C. wouldn’t have been surprised if Leila had residual effects from it, maybe she was stronger or faster than the others, but she would never find out. Especially not with Akito hovering by her side at all times.

Akito would have been another good choice, if he hadn’t been so close to one of V.V’s spies.

C.C’s gaze drifted to where the two were among the recruits. She had picked them out as soon as they had walked into Aries Villa. After working for so many years with V.V, and taking advantage of her flight to memorize what information that she could, she knew what signs to look for. She had even volunteered to help move the archives of the Scouting Legion just to get the chance to look at the paperwork to see if her hunch was correct.

Of the four trainees that she had thought were spies, only two had paperwork that went beyond five years. It would have been easy enough to blame the hole on the fall of Wall Maria, but C.C. had been thorough. There had been no mention of two of them living inside the wall after it fell.

She eyed Sancia and Alice, watching as the two girls led their horses back to the stables. She couldn’t remember them from her time among the order, but they had been the ones with far too many holes in their paperwork. The ones that asked far too many questions. Until something happened she wouldn’t have proof, but C.C. would watch them carefully.

The third recruit that had caught her attention was Shin Hyuga, Akito’s brother. Everything had worked out for him, except for the period where he had disappeared. From everyone that she had talked to, they had just assumed that the body had wandered off one day and gotten lost. But she remembered his designation from the order, which meant that someone had gotten their hands on him. The problem was that he was off in the Military Police, in a place were C.C. couldn’t return to. That was dangerous, especially to her.

She narrowed her eyes and focused on the last of V.V’s spies, although she wasn’t sure that Rolo even counted as one anymore. He had been installed as a sleeper cell inside the wall. But he had been too young to understand his job, that was obvious enough. C.C. hadn’t seen him attempt to sneak off on his own to speak to Sancia and Alice or asking the questions that had put her on edge. He hadn’t even seemed to realize that he was a shifter until Trost. And, by then, V.V. had lost him. How V.V. could have expected a ten year old boy to return to his side after the only family he had ever known was killed in front of him was beyond her. But V.V’s loss was her gain.

With Rolo’s obsession with Lelouch, the prince would have another bodyguard in case he needed it. And Rolo would have someone to watch out for him. That was half of her job passed off to someone else.

C.C. smiled and looked out over the Scouting Corps again, renewing her search for suitable candidates. Even with Rolo on her side, there were probably more spies that she couldn’t account for, ones that had been trained up after she had left. The best way to counteract them was to have her own force, one that was loyal to Tohdoh.

Lelouch could supply the strategy, the commander could supply the miracles and C.C. could supply the soldiers. It was the perfect combination.

The corner of her mouth twitched up into something almost like a smile as Suzaku walked past. She studied the corporal carefully, watching as he stopped to talk to Kallen.

Suzaku would do nicely if she had to start building up her force. He was already one of the best in the corps and, better yet, extremely lucky. Suzaku would always return from a mission, no matter how bad things had gone. Luck like that was exactly what she needed. All it would take was getting Suzaku alone, which would be the most difficult part of her plan.

The complication to it all turned up like C.C. had summoned him with her thoughts.

Lelouch strolled down through the training grounds, talking to a few officers and recruits. Almost immediately, Suzaku looked over at the prince before ducking his head and continuing his conversation. But it was more than enough.

C.C. rolled her eyes as Lelouch pulled at his collar before continuing his rounds. Anyone who paid attention knew what that signal meant. Even now she could see a few of the officers snickering to themselves once Lelouch was safely out of earshot.

She didn’t even bother to hide her smile as Lelouch walked past her, standing firm under his glare.

There was a sharp tug to her mind, C.C. hiding her surprise until Lelouch was long gone. As soon as Lelouch was heading back for the castle, she pushed away from the stable wall to stare at his back. She even missed Suzaku making his apologies and leaving to follow the prince as she tried to work out what she had felt.

She knew what it was. As part of the code for the serum she could partially recognize those given her version of the mixture. It was why she couldn’t recognize Sancia, Shin, Alice or Rolo, but she had always been aware of Mao and how she was hyper aware of Leila. Of course, it had never happened with Lelouch, not in an amount that she could recognize.

Then again, she had never been close to Lelouch before and he had always been at the back of her mind. She had promised Marianne that she would look after Lelouch and Nunnally after all.  Maybe that had been enough to cover it.

And it made sense. Marianne had been a part of the order for a while before V.V. had killed her. She would have tried to protect her children from the very thing that they were in danger from. Marianne had never been a fool.

C.C. laughed and settled back against the wall, staring at the sky instead of the recruits. “So that’s what you did, Marianne.”


	4. Chapter 4

"Lelouch!"

He turned at the sound of his mother’s voice, smiling as Marianne strode toward him with Nunnally on her hip.

He abandoned his plans to sneak into the library for another book, one to read when he was sure that his nurse sound asleep. His mother’s attention had been sparse of late, Marianne busy with things that she wouldn’t tell Lelouch no matter how many times that he protested that he was old enough. Ten years had been old enough for Schneizel have secrets told to him; Lelouch couldn’t understand why he was any different.

Still, a chance to see his mother couldn’t be wasted. Lelouch rushed towards Marianne, grabbing onto her free arm and hugging it close. The childish move was worth the laughter that he got from his mother, Marianne wiggling her arm until Lelouch let it go. Then, she drew him close to her side, pressing a kiss against the top of his head. “And where were you off to?”

Lelouch tensed, looking up at his mother. He tried to make his eyes as wide as he could, hoping that she would understand. “The library. My tutor was telling me about a book of stories.”

"Ah." Marianne adjusted her hold of Nunnally. "Which one?"

"The one about the Knights of the Round, and how the first twelve defended us from the titans until humanity could get behind the walls."

"And then how they split up into three groups of four to form the military."

"But everyone knows that." Lelouch caught himself whining and cleared his throat. "These are more stories, like how each knight was chosen by the first king and their quests to find the scattered remains of humanity. My tutor said that there was even a story in there about which one was the strongest."

"Lancelot."

"H-how do you know?"

"I’ve read the book."

"Oh…" Lelouch tapped his toe against the carpet, looking back in the direction of the library. "Well, maybe you could read it to me tomorrow?"

He didn’t need his mother to read to him, he hadn’t for a long while. But what he wanted more was his mother to spend some time with him. Lelouch would even stoop to using his sister as an excuse if he had to.

To his relief, Marianne smiled and hugged him close again. “Of course. But I need to ask a favor of you first.”

"Anything."

She rocked back enough to free her arm from him and to place Nunnally down in front of him. Automatically, Lelouch took his sister’s hand, holding it tightly in his own. Nunnally liked to wander off sometimes, especially the closer it got to bedtime.

Marianne nodded in approval at his action, kneeling down completely so she could speak to Lelouch on his level. “I need you to put Nunnally to bed. Katherine and Elizabeth had to go home, their sister is having her baby in the next few weeks, so they won’t be here for a while. I need you to help me take care of the both of you.”

Lelouch nodded quickly, glad to see his mother relax.

She rocked back onto her heels, reaching for something in the purse by her side as she spoke. “What I need you to do is to get her into bed, maybe read her a story. And then I need you to stay there until I come to get the two of you. I don’t want Nunnally sneaking off when you go to your room. Can you do that for me?”

"Of course!" Lelouch tried his best to look serious, hoping that his mother could approve. If Schneizel could handle matters of state at the age of ten, Lelouch could certainly handle his own sister.

Marianne laughed and ruffled his hair, Lelouch frowning and petting it back down. “Thank you. Now, I need you to do one more thing for me. Hold out your arm.”

Lelouch stuck out his right arm without hesitation, his bravado failing him somewhat when he saw his mother draw out a syringe. “Mother?”

He went to draw his arm back, only to have Marianne grab it and hold him in place. Lelouch whimpered and tried to jerk out of his mother’s grip, freezing when Marianne leaned close to him. “I need you to be brave, can you do that for me Lelouch?”

"I…I don’t know." He flinched at the prick of the needle against his skin, Lelouch squeezing Nunnally’s arm to distract himself. "W-what are you doing?"

"I’m giving you something important. Something that will protect the two of you. Listen to me Lelouch, you have to be careful. There are people out there who want to hurt you."

"Who?" Lelouch flinched as Marianne pushed the end of the syringe down, not wanting to watch the liquid get pushed into his vein.

"Promise me you will protect Nunnally." When he hesitated, Marianne jerked the needle out of his skin, Lelouch yelping in pain. He didn’t have time to reach up to rub the wound, Marianne already grabbing his shoulders and giving him a shake. "Promise me."

"I promise!"

"Good." There was a shout from the entrance hall, Marianne turning and shouting a reply before getting to her feet. The syringe lay discarded on the floor. 

Lelouch turned and pulled Nunnally close, intending to take her back to her room when a wave of dizziness hit him and he staggered. Or it was the yelling from the entrance hall.Or it was the sound of a roar and walls being kicked out. He didn’t know.

Then, Nunnally was gone from his side, Lelouch reaching frantically towards her before running the way his mother had disappeared. He had promised that he would protect his sister, promised that he would do his duty. Besides, Marianne had warned them to keep away. Or had she. His head was spinning and he couldn’t remember anything that his mother had told him.

There was something in the main hall, Lelouch staring up at it in the darkness as he tried to figure out what it was. It towered so far above him, so high up that it would have probably been able to look over the walls.

His shocked staring was brought to a stop by the sound of a scream and then the rain of blood that fell on him. The scream was his mothers, or his own. Lelouch had never been able to tell, never been able to remember. He had only seen the body, never seen the thing that had killed his mother. Never seen the towering creature that stood in the ruins of their home and roared and…

It was just like Trost. The titans, the fear, the  _sound_.

Where was Suzaku? Where was the Scouting Legion?

Where was Nunnally?

The titan roared again and flung the body of his mother to the ground. Lelouch didn’t pay any attention to the sound, too busy screaming as the titan braced itself against one of the many ruined houses in Trost and peered down at him, one hand already reaching...

* * *

Lelouch shot upright in bed, panting for breath as he startled himself back to reality. Before his conscious mind could process what was a dream and what was real he was out of bed, kicking off the covers that reminded him too much of a titan’s grip.

He retreated until his back was against the wall, shivering in the cold night air.

It had just been a nightmare, one that had repeated itself since Trost. It was stupid to get so worked up over it, but it had felt far too real.

Lelouch swallowed and tipped his head back against the wall, staring at the ceiling as he dragged his fingers over the stone.  _This_  was real, the stone beneath his fingers, the room laid out in front of him in shadows. Trost was weeks behind him and miles away. He was safe and Nunnally was safe. It was all a dream.

He slumped, taking a shaky breath before pushing away from the wall. It was only then that he noticed that the other person in the bed had woken up.

Suzaku was propped up on his elbow, staring at him blearily. “Lelouch?”

"It’s nothing."

Lelouch cursed Suzaku’s military training, the lance corporal snapping awake. Suzaku sat up completely, Lelouch sure that he was ready to spring out of bed and head for him or his gear. It would just depend on Suzaku’s assessment of the situation.

"Tell me."

He sighed and made his way back to the bed, gently nudging his shirt away with his foot. Lelouch sat down heavily, staring at the floor until Suzaku touched his shoulder.

It only took a tug for Lelouch to allow himself to be pulled back into Suzaku’s embrace. He turned his head to rest it on Suzaku’s shoulder, taking a deep breath and letting it out. Slowly, he lifted his arm, his fingers stroking the end of Suzaku’s hair.  _This_ was real too, the reality that he could work with.

He tilted his head to the side as Suzaku nuzzled his neck, the brush of Suzaku’s lips against him as he spoke making Lelouch shiver. “Tell me.”

This time, it was less of an order. It wasn’t Lance Corporal Kururugi, but Suzaku. And it was enough for Lelouch to relax.

"It was a dream."

"A bad one?" Lelouch could just nod, Suzaku humming against his neck. An arm slid around his waist, the motion not quite a hug but the promise of protection. "What was it?"

"Trost." He felt Suzaku tense, quickly pushing on. "And the titans, but no one was there. It was just me and and I was going to get eaten."

"And then what?"

Lelouch shook his head. There hadn’t been any more. For a brief moment, he thought he remembered a conversation and a syringe, but the thought made his head spin. Lelouch closed his eyes, tightening his grip on Suzaku’s hair. “And then I woke up.”

"Woke me up too."

Lelouch huffed and tried to wiggle away, but Suzaku just laughed. Suzaku tightened his hold on Lelouch before flinging himself sideways, the two of them toppling back to the bed. Lelouch gave up his struggle to get away, contenting himself with muttering under his breath as he shifted to a more comfortable position. All the while, Suzaku never let go of his waist, the weight of his arm comforting.

He flung out his right arm, finally getting comfortable as Suzaku lifted the covers over them again.

Lelouch felt the bed shift, Suzaku leaning forward to place a kiss to his temple before dropping back onto the bed. “I’m here, you’re safe. Try to remember that because I have to wake up and run the recruits ragged.”

Suzaku was asleep before Lelouch had the chance to come up with a reply. He looked over his shoulder, smiling despite himself. He would come up with something tomorrow.

He snuggled back into Suzaku, earning a vague sound of contentment from the man.

After a moment, he found himself staring at his right arm. Lelouch frowned, moving his fingers.

There was something there that he was missing. Something there that he almost remembered.

Lelouch gave up when he felt the disorientation return, closing his eyes and allowing himself to sink back into sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Lelouch stared at the officers that were leaning against the wall with him, clenching his hands into fists to prevent himself from tearing his hair out. He took a deep breath, wishing that Suzaku or Tohdoh were there to deal with the Scouting Legion. It wasn’t that Ohgi wasn’t competent, it was that he was slow to react and they needed someone that was willing to  _act._

In the end, he was the one that was going to have to act. And he didn’t have all the information that he needed.

He reached up and rubbed his forehead taking a deep breath. “Tell it to me again.”

Ohgi nodded, nearly saluting Lelouch before he caught himself. “A rider just came in from Stohess with news on the operation. The Titan shifter was caught, but there were…complications.”

"What exactly?"

"Shin Hyuga managed to crystallize himself, no on knows how. Neither Lloyd or Rakshata can explain it at the moment."

"So we’re going to get nothing out of him. Not even if he had accomplices." Lelouch pinched the bridge of his nose as he saw Ohgi nod. So it was the worst possible situation, but he was too far from Stohess to do anything about it. "Alright. What are our orders?"

"Nothing yet. Tohdoh is still doing damage control. We’re just holding the new recruits until they can get back."

Lelouch nodded and waved Ohgi away, the man looking relieved to be able to leave. He shook his head as Ohgi scurried away, resisting the urge to curse under his breath. It wouldn’t get anything done, and action had to be taken. The situation was dangerous enough as it was.

From the reports that Lelouch had read, the one titan had completely decimated the Scouting Legion on their last expedition, the same one that Shin could shift into. The same one that Suzaku had nearly broken his ankle fighting. The same one that had nearly gotten away with Rolo, their one chance at information.

He groaned and leaned back against the wall. Shin would have accomplices somewhere, and it fell to him to find him. All of the surviving recruits that had their loyalty still in doubt were still with him, Tohdoh wouldn’t be stupid enough to take anyone he suspected to Stohess to capture a traitor. Lelouch would just have to question them and hope Shin’s accomplices hadn’t gotten themselves killed on the expedition.

Lelouch pushed away from the wall, intending to organize the officers to start the questioning when Tamaki rushed into the room. The man didn’t bother to talk to the officers first, just shouting his news to the room. “Titans spotted!”

There was a clatter as chairs fell to the floor, the recruits looking shocked. For a moment, they looked like they wanted to bolt, Lelouch stepping forward. He waved his hand for silence, not surprised when he was obeyed. He suspected that he was just as respected as the officers.

"Silence." Lelouch turned to look at Tamaki. "How much time do we have?"

"Minutes." Tamaki gave a helpless shrug. "Someone noticed them on a smoke break. We weren’t exactly keeping a watch for titans  _inside_  the walls.”

"Fine. Just get everyone else, everyone without gear, out first. Form up a defensive line with the rest. Don’t engage unless you have just, just cover the retreat." Lelouch glanced at the recruits before nodding. "Have the recruits spread out and begin to send an evacuation notice to the surrounding villages. Have them head to Princess Maribelle’s castle. She’ll take in refugees and have the men to hold them there. Send messengers ahead to her and to Stohess. Just get the news out."

He was treated to salutes from everyone, Lelouch turning in place as his orders were barked out. It was a heady thing, having people follow his orders like this.

Lelouch was pulled out of his reverie by Kallen. The woman tugged him after the recruits. “You’re with them, prince. You don’t have gear and we need you alive to survive whatever comes out of this.”

He wanted to shove her away, but Kallen had a point. He wanted to lead, but it would be pointless since he had no idea how to use the gear. They didn’t need to watch their leader die, not after the expedition that they had come back from.

With a last push from Kallen, Lelouch jogged after the rest of the recruits without gear, taking the first horse that was offered to him. It didn’t matter when they were all running. Maybe one of the recruits would get his horse and be able to ride a little bit further, spread the news a little bit faster.

He swung onto the horse’s back, surprised when Euphemia rode up beside him. He hadn’t even been aware his half sister had been at the manor house they had been staying in. She must have come from Aries Villa, or she could have been the messenger herself. The last he had heard from her, Euphemia had been heading for Wall Sina and Pendragon.

"Euphy!"

"It is true what they’re saying?"

Lelouch shrugged, his attention on the recruits that were rushing past him. Most of the people without gear were already on horseback and galloping away. Lelouch could only hope that Kallen had given them some kind of order to carry out. She was efficient like that. What he wanted to do was follow after them, carry the message of the evacuated villages to Maribelle himself. But he was going to have to escort Euphemia as well.

"I don’t have time." Lelouch twisted in the saddle, catching a glimpse of the titans as they came out from behind the treeline. He reached out to slap her horse’s haunches. "Get out of here!"

Euphemia’s horse jolted forward, Euphemia reining the animal in quickly. Lelouch gritted his teeth, intending to reach for her horse again. “Euphy!”

"But Nunnally…"

Lelouch jerked his hand back, completely directed from the evacuation at the mention of his sister. “What about Nunnally?”

"She’s in there! She went in there to find you!"

Lelouch didn’t bother to hear the rest of what Euphemia had to say, he was too busy turning his horse back.

"Lelouch!"

"Ride to Maribelle! Tell her refugees are coming. Tell her to protect them."

"What about you?!"

"I have to get Nunnally!"

He kicked his horse, clutching at its mane as the horse galloped back towards the titans.

The creatures were surrounding the manor house, Lelouch able to see the Scouting Legion arranged on the roof. He picked out Kallen before turning his gaze to the one remaining horse in the courtyard.

The horse was twisting and bucking, screaming at the sight of the titans. It wasn’t a Scouting Legion horse, it wasn’t trained to stay calm in the face of nearly everything. It was a calm city horse, because Nunnally should have never had to face the titans.

Lelouch yanked his horse’s head around, skidding in next to Nunnally. He let go of the reins with one hand, using that arm to pull Nunnally from her horse.

His sister went easily, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her face against his neck. Lelouch thought he felt tears on his skin, reaching up and petting Nunnally’s hair. “You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

He thought he felt her nod, looking up from his sister to see two titans leaning towards them.

Lelouch sucked in a quick breath, backing the horse up. He intended to dodge to the side, cursing when he saw that the titans were gathering around him. He was on the ground after all, they were easier prey than the soldiers on the roof.

They would be able to get to him, but only kill one or two, not all of them. He would be dead long before that. He would be dead and Nunnally would be left to the titans. She would be ripped apart and he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

_Promise me you will protect Nunnally. Promise me._

Lelouch jerked, gritting his teeth as he stared up at the titans. He had promised his mother that he would keep Nunnally safe, he had promised himself that. If he couldn’t have his own sister, then there was no reason that he should keep his own life.

He reached up with his free hand to press Nunnally’s face against his shoulder, an attempt to keep her from seeing what would happen to them, even if it was a futile gesture.

One of the titans leaned forward, it’s hand extending. Lelouch snarled, backing his horse up. For a moment, he felt a prick of pain in his left eye, Lelouch shaking his head. As soon as his vision was clear, he tipped his head back and shouted at the titan. “Leave us alone!”

The pain in his eye flared again, Lelouch hissing and jerking back. He shook his head violently, only looking up again at the sound of titans.

All of them were walking away in a daze, Lelouch staring at the titans for a moment before making his decision. He didn’t know why they had retreated or what it meant. All he knew was that it gave them the chance to run.

"Retreat!"

The Scouting Legion obeyed his order quickly, clambering down from the manor’s roof and to the waiting horses. Lelouch held his horse in place long enough to see the operation rock back into motion. He froze when he saw Kallen staring at him, not liking the anger on her face.

He swallowed and kicked his horse forward, closing his left eye against the lingering pain.


	6. Chapter 6

Kallen had always known that something was wrong with her family.

There were little things that just didn’t sit right when she compared her family with the others. For one, her mother and father made it a point to never be seen around each other. Kallen would catch them giving each other long looks in the hallways of their home, but they never did that when there were other people over. Her mother would always lower her eyes and bustle away with the rest of the servants.

The fact that her mother was a servant was another aberration. To her knowledge, no other family in Pendragon had the wife being a part of the staff, to the point where Kallen was not allowed to acknowledge her mother when there were guests over. Especially when one of the Wall Priests were over.

Then there was the fact that no one treated them right.

Kallen had come in contact with other heirs to noble houses and everyone talked about the greatness that they would do and how wonderful they were. Naoto didn’t get that kind of praise. In fact, he was barely acknowledged at the parties. And then, when he turned ten, father had stopped taking Naoto with him when he went on business.

It was about the same time that their father stopped trading looks with their mother and stared ignoring her all the time.

Kallen had watched all of this with a sinking feeling that something was going wrong, but had been unable to do anything about it. Naoto hadn’t helped either, because he had kept trying to protect her.

He had stopped sleeping in his room and started sleeping in hers, curled up on her couch or on her chair. Naoto said that he was going to protect her from danger, but Kallen hadn’t been able to see any. It was just their family as always, their mother lurking in the halls and their father constantly busy with the people that demanded his attention. She had just known that they had been treated differently from their cousins and the other children their age. She just didn’t know how differently until Naoto had gone off to join the army.

* * *

Kallen curled her fingers around the edge of the door, staring through the thin crack into her father’s study.

Her father was at his desk, as he usually was, but she could see another man. Kallen wanted to lean closer, but she wasn’t sure if the floor would squeak under her feet. From the way that the two were leaning close to each other, it was obvious that they didn’t want her to overhear.

She flinched back when the other man spoke.

“She has to go, it’s the only way that this will work out.”

“But she’s my daughter, a Stadtfeld. That’s all that should matter.”

“It would matter, if she wasn’t part…whatever else she is.”

“Other indiscretions have been overlooked, including some of your own, Father.”

“They would be overlooked, if not for the ruckus that is coming from Fujinomiya and the increased trade in those people. The eye of the monarchy is on people like Kallen, we don’t want that. And there’s no telling where her loyalties really lie.”

“With us.”

“You said that about her brother, but he refused the marriage that we arranged for him and went into the military.”

“The refusal could be easily written off.”

“But not the rejection of our name. He’s a recruit under his mother’s name. That’s a declaration of loyalty if I ever heard one. He’s not going to stand by us no matter what we chose, Naoto is too headstrong for that. His sister is just as bad, she’s been tagging after him since she was old enough to walk. She’s probably ready to run off after him any time.”

“That’s not fair.”

“But it’s true.”

Her father sighed, the sound loud enough for Kallen to hear it. “What should we do?”

“Disown the both of them. Marry again and continue in your duties. Have children that will remain loyal to the family and be able to keep the secrets of the wall. That’s the only thing left for us to do.”

“What about Kallen?”

“Her mother was easy enough to train to be a servant, the daughter should be easy enough. It wouldn’t be the first time that a by-blow has worked in the house of her father.”

Kallen didn’t wait to hear her father’s answer, turning and running.

* * *

“You!”

Her fist hit her chest with a satisfying thump. “Kallen Kozuki from Kai on the eastern side of Wall Rose!”

The drill instructor stared at her for a moment before reaching out and jerking her fist slightly to one side. He then gave her a nod and moved away, leaving Kallen to smirk into the faces of the recruits from the first rows.

One of the boys in front of her looked away immediately, trying to shrink into himself even as he held himself with military precision. The blond boy next to him just smiled back at her, Kallen rolling her eyes and ignoring him in favor of looking out towards the barracks.

* * *

_Kallen_ ,

_I should apologize for not getting this to you sooner, there was just so much to be done. And then I couldn’t even think of how to tell you._

_Even in training, you should have gotten the news about what happened in Shinganshina. A titan broke through the wall and a second broke through the inner wall. Wall Maria was completely breached and we are watching the retreat from Shinganshina and from Wall Maria. I have a horrible feeling that we will all be hiding behind Wall Rose in a few days, which will cause a problem. There’s a food shortage already, but I think you know that already. I doubt that they are feeding you recruits the best, especially if I remember my own days right. But I didn’t write you to just tell you about the situation of the refugees. It’s about your brother._

_I am sorry to report that Naoto Kozuki was killed in action trying to defend Shinganshina. I don’t know how he died, I wasn’t there to see it and I couldn’t find anyone who did. I just found the body. Naoto had a chunk bitten out of his side. His body was burned as soon as we had put distance between us and the titans. We couldn’t spare the room with so many people out of their homes, but I have his personal effects. I will try to send them to you as soon as I can. There might be a delay seeing as I have yet to choose a section of the military to join._

_We were only in Shinganshina on messenger duty, we’re not even official members of the military yet. I have no idea what I’m going to do now._

_I’ve talked to everyone who could help and they’ve all said that you can continue training. No one will be able to pull you from the training program. To the best of my knowledge, no one knows that you are in the military. Your father isn’t the most forthcoming about his younger days and the entire family doesn’t want to acknowledge you or Naoto. They have other business, probably more now that Wall Maria has fallen._

_I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’ll make sure to stop by to see you. Stay safe and concentrate on getting in the top ten in your class. You need to get into the Military Police to stay safe. It’s what Naoto would have wanted._

_Ohgi_

Kallen crushed the letter in her fist, wanting to throw it away. But she couldn’t. Until Naoto’s possessions came, it was the only thing she had left of him. Instead, she pressed her fist against her lips. Kallen felt her hand tremble, but she ignored it.

The news that Shinganshina had fallen had come before Ohgi’s letter, but she hadn’t known that her brother had been involved. She had thought that he had been safe on some training exercise, like the rest of his company. She had hoped that he had been safe, but she had lost him.

She leaned back in her bed, taking deep breaths.

Naoto had been the last of the family that she had. Her mother was tucked away behind Wall Sina, kept hidden away from the rest of the world by Bastian Stadtfeld. Her father wouldn’t come to her rescue, not with his new wife to entertain him and the Stadtfeld family putting pressure on him to produce legitimate heirs, ones that wouldn’t be half breed and allied to some family from some backwater village.

The family politics was enough to make her sick, but it was the only thing that she was sure about. The Stadtfelds wouldn’t come looking for her, which was a relief to her. She wouldn’t be pulled away from her training and dragged into Pendragon to fulfill whatever duties the Stadtfeld family had for her. What she wanted to do was fight against the titans, to do what she was the best at.

What she wanted to do was to kill them all in revenge for what they had taken away from her. She wanted to make them all pay for Naoto’s death. She wanted to make sure that her brother’s dream of being able to see outside. She would do what he had always wanted to do.

She would join the Scouting Legion.

* * *

Kallen balanced herself on the limb of a tree, staring down at the titans that were moving under her. She counted them quickly, muttering plans to herself under her breath. It would be easy enough to jump through them at the break that was coming up. She could take out the forerunners before turning around to get the last two, if she would even need to. The rest of the Scouting Legion was close, all of them keeping in a close formation after the losses that they had suffered earlier on.

She tightened her grip on her swords, taking a deep breath before letting out slowly. It was easy enough, just aim for the nape of the neck like she had been doing for days now. She was not about to die here, not when she was still so far from avenging Naoto.

She bent her knees to prepare to jump, freezing when she saw someone else fly past her. Kallen recognized him in an instant, shouting at him as she launched herself from the branch. She wasn’t going to let Suzaku Kururugi mess up her kill record.

Suzaku was fast, but she was faster.

Kallen twisted on her cables, sending herself sliding across a titan’s shoulders to cut out the nape of it’s neck. She didn’t stay to watch the creature topple, launching her next cable and heading for the neck titan.

Suzaku flashed by overhead, a sure sign that the first titan in the group was down. Kallen gritted her teeth and pushed herself faster. There were only three left, and she could only spare him one.

The next titan fell with a cut to its neck, Kallen jumping right off from its shoulders. She waited to fire her wires until she was close to the ground, using the momentum to sling shot her up. She tucked her legs up to avoid the titan’s head, jamming her blade into the back of its skull to slow herself down. From there, it was easy enough to jump down and slash the nape of the titan’s neck.

Kallen turned just in time to see the final titan fall, muttering a curse as she saw Suzaku land lightly on a branch. She sent a wire into the trunk of a tree, riding it up so she could get off of the ground. Kallen purposefully ignored Suzaku, staring down at the path to wait for more titans.

More never came, Kallen breathing a sigh of relief when she saw a squad gallop into the cover. It wasn’t the entirety of their group, but more were soon to come. Tohdoh had given the order to seek out this place as shelter when Commander Bartley had panicked. It was because of Bartley that half of their expedition force was dead. Tohdoh was responsible for the fact that the other half was still alive.

She leaned over, frowning when she saw no sign of Tohdoh. Gino waved at her from his place below, but Kallen ignored him. He was always showing off for her. Kallen wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted to impress her or because he wanted her attention. She didn’t have the time to waste on trying to figure out Gino anyway, not when there were other things to worry about.

The sound of voices carried from above her, Kallen turning her head and breathing a sigh of relief. Tohdoh was standing with Suzaku, looking mostly whole. That’s all that mattered in the scheme of things. But she wasn’t surprised that he had checked in on his protégée first.

She couldn’t hear their conversation, but she could see Suzaku nodding and smiling. Kallen gripped her swords just a little bit tighter, hating that smile. It was creepy, far too much like the fake smiles that she had seen in Pendragon and seen her mother wearing. Even to Tohdoh, the one man that Kallen was sure knew Suzaku far better than anyone else in the Scouting Legion, Suzaku couldn’t be genuine. That was enough to put her on edge.

The conversation came to a quick end, Tohdoh dropping to her branch.

Tohdoh was silent for a moment, staring down at the bodies of the titans before giving her a nod. “Good job. You worked faster than I expected.”

“I had help.”

He didn’t seem to notice the anger in her voice. Tohdoh just nodded, sheathing his swords. “Help or not, you are good and I want to put that to use.”

“Can you?”

“After the mess that Bartley has made, I don’t think anyone will be able to argue with me.” The corner of Tohdoh’s mouth twitched up slightly. “I don’t see the point in wasting your talent just because you aren’t from Wall Sina.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I’m putting you under Suzaku’s command.” Tohdoh held up a hand when she went to protest. “We need our best working together. And I don’t expect you to follow him blindly, Kozuki. What I need you to do is to look after the others under his command.”

Kallen bit her lip, looking away. “Why are you putting people under his command if you can’t trust him?”

“I trust him to look after others, but not after himself. That’s why I need you. I don’t want good soldiers to go rushing after someone who has already given up.”

She didn’t get the chance to demand an explanation from Tohdoh, the man beginning to climb down from the tree to confer with the survivors that were coming in.

Kallen huffed and leaned back against the tree, glancing up to where Suzaku was standing.

She couldn’t begin to understand why Tohdoh had inferred, but she wasn’t going to turn up the chance at a better rank. There was no denying that Suzaku was one of the best, he had come out as second best in the ranking of their division. If Tohdoh was going to be forming a squad around Suzaku, it was going to be of the best. If that really was the case, then it would be a honor to serve under Suzaku, even if she thought that he was a complete idiot.

* * *

Suzaku grunted as she pushed him back against the wall, Kallen marveling at how easy it was to push him around.

If it had been anyone else, she knew that they would have pushed back instead of just giving like Suzaku did. He was her commanding officer and could end her career by reporting what she was doing. Instead, he was just letting her shove him up against the wall and grab a hold of a good fistful of his shirt. Suzaku hadn’t even bothered to fend off her attack.

It was all so strange, and it just made her angry.

Kallen knocked her knees against his as she stepped up close to him. “What was that?”

Suzaku didn’t meet her gaze, staring off at some point just over her shoulder. She shook him in an attempt to get his attention, but Suzaku’s gaze didn’t budge.

She muttered a curse under her breath and grabbed his chin with her free hand, forcing him to look down at her. Even with that, Suzaku stared at her shoulder instead of meeting her gaze.

Kallen gave it up as a lost cause, too angry to actually demand much more of him. Her focus was on what he had done.

She shook him, hoping to get some sort of reaction as she spoke. “What possessed you to do that?”

“People needed to be saved. It’s our job.”

Kallen didn’t rise to the bait, she had heard that argument too many times before. “Not at the risk of our own lives.”

“He was a prince.”

“I’m not talking about the damn prince. I’m talking about the others before him, the ones in that group of titans. The ones that you couldn’t have seen until you had started to kill the titans. You rushed away from us without thinking and almost got yourself killed.”

“I couldn’t risk getting them killed.”

“You couldn’t have waited for us. We weren’t that far behind you.” Kallen took a deep breath. “We’re your squad, Suzaku. We have your back. Just trust us to watch it for once.”

For a moment, it looked like he was finally going to give. If he did, then it would be her first victory in years; her first since Tohdoh had assigned her to Suzaku’s command.

Then his shoulders snapped back, Suzaku slipping into the proper military posture. Kallen knew that she had lost him even before he had spoken. “I couldn’t wait.”

She stared at him for a moment before giving up. There was only so much she could do in the face of something that wouldn’t move.

Kallen threw her hands up in the air, taking a step back. “Fine. I’m done. If you want to be a suicidal bastard, I won’t stop you. But don’t you think about dragging the rest of us down with you. I’ve got better things to do than to die for you.”

She turned around and stormed down the hallway, leaving Suzaku behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

Suzaku shivered in the cold, watching as the lines of the Military Police trooped past. None of them looked at the villagers of Fujinomiya, not that Suzaku expected them to.

Fujinomiya had tried to rise against the monarchy. Even if it had only been a select group, everyone in the village was going to be punished.

Carts rumbled past at the end of the column, most people looking away from them. All of the traitors had been found quickly, all of them frightened out of hiding when their leader had suddenly died. The village was filled with rumors of his cowardice and shameful suicide. Suzaku just made sure to tuck his hands out of sight, sure that there was still blood caught under his nails. The village needed the story of cowardice and suicide, because then no one would admit to supporting Genbu. Then no one else would have to die.

He watched the carts, a form of punishment for himself for his own actions. The bodies weren’t covered, leaving all of the lacerations and detached limbs visible to the villagers. A warning for the next time they tried to rise up. Suzaku could pick out a few that he recognized, the others far too mangled by the swift justice visited by the Military Police.

Hidenobu Kubouin, Tousai Munakata and Tatsunori Osakabe were all piled together in a mess of limbs. Hiroyosi Yoshino was towards the end of the cart, only his torso and the gut wound that had killed him visible. Flung over him was Kazuo Hyuga, the body missing arms and the top of his head. Suzaku thought he saw Taizo Kirihara, but there was too little left of the older man to tell.

The one body that he could easily identify was Genbu Kururugi’s, the one body that wasn’t completely mangled. Instead, there was just a stain from the stab to the chest that had ended his life. The Military Police hadn’t even had to kill the leader of the attempted coup, they had just found him dead in his empty house.

Suzaku remained on the side of the road until the carts had moved away, staying in place even as the rest of the villagers went back to their lives. Without the protection of the government, it was going to be a hard winter.

He could feel their gazes on him as they walked away, Suzaku hunching his shoulders forward. It would be stupid to assume that they didn’t know what he had done, news spread fast in such a small village. They might repeat the rumors of cowardice, but they had all known Genbu well enough that the rumors were wrong. And they all knew Suzaku well enough to know what he had done.

It wasn’t like he had expected them to thank him. He had just acted without thinking, because what his father had been doing was wrong. If anything, he had expected to be turned over to the Military Police as well for his crime. But everyone had remained silent and, somehow, that was worse than knowing that he had killed his father in the first place.

There was supposed to be a sense of justice in the world, a sense of fairness that would eventually be carried out. Suzaku knew that there were many people in Fujinomiya that had hated him before he had killed Genbu, but they had all remained silent.

He had killed, so he deserved to be punished. But no one was going to punish him.

Suzaku pulled his hands out of his jacket and stared at them, sure that he could still see bloodstains on them from where his hands had slipped on the handle of the knife. He rubbed his hands together absently, glancing around. Everyone would be going back to work, so no one would notice if he snuck back to the stream to wash his hands again, just to be sure.

No one would come after him in the end, Suzaku knew that. His only family had died with Genbu.

* * *

There was a strange man watching the recruits, Suzaku getting glimpses of him as he jogged past. The presence of the man was taking up most of his attention. It didn’t take too much presence of mind to count laps around the drill field, especially when he was pacing Kallen. Usually, he could keep his mind on training, focus on it alone and on pushing himself until he was too tired to think. But today his mind was drifting, probably because it was  _that_  day, the day that he had killed his father.

Suzaku looked over at the man as they passed again, noting the Scouting Legion patches that the man wore. It was strange that someone from the military would come to watch the recruits, especially if they weren’t one of the commanders. Most just waited for the recruits to choose their branch.

He glanced away when the man looked at him, focusing on running. Of course, when that happened, it turned into a race between him and Kallen.

Five laps later, he and Kallen were standing to the side as they caught their breath and waited for the rest of their class to finish. They were supposed to continue with the 3D Maneuver Gear, but they couldn’t get into the room where their gear was kept until the drill instructor finished talking to the man. Suzaku found himself side eyeing the man again, jerking his gaze away when the man looked over at him. He stared at the ground, listening to Kallen shout encouragement to the rest of their class and abuse at Gino’s half hearted pick up lines.

“Cadet Kururugi!” The drill sergeant’s voice broke through the usual banter, Suzaku looking up quickly. The cadets still running were slowing down almost to a walk, probably hoping for a distraction. Suzaku turned around to face the sergeant, trying not to flinch as the man motioned him over sharply. “Get your ass over here, Kururugi. And the rest of you keep running!”

There were shouts from the rest of the recruits, Kallen quickly starting up her shouting again. It was all a cover though, they were all hoping to hear what was going on. Suzaku hoped that they did, he didn’t want to have to explain anything when they went back to their bunks at the end of the day. He had been fine talking with the people that ate at his table or for a while before bed, but it was hard to avoid the personal questions that were bound to come up or the stories from home the longer they were away.

Suzaku was sure that no one would want to talk to him once they knew that he was from Fujinomiya. The village was still well known for its failed rebellion, even though it had been peaceful since he had been ten. Of course, it didn’t matter what the village had been because it had been in Wall Maria. He was just afraid that the other recruits would associate him with trouble, and then mess with his training. He couldn’t risk failing now, not when he was so close to getting what he wanted.

Not when there was nothing to go back to.

None of the refugees from Fujinomiya would talk to him anymore, save for his cousin. They had all staggered from their ruined village into Wall Rose and had stuck together. There had even been talk of rebuilding under a new name and starting again, but they would have had to work as a community. And Suzaku had messed everything up again by wanting to go into the military. No one from Fujinomiya trusted the military, not since the day the Military Police had carried the bodies out of their village. The moment Suzaku had said that he was joining, he was dead to all of them. They had even held a funeral for him as he had stood on the outskirts.

He shook his head, quickly saluting the two men on the edge of the drill field. “Sir!”

The drill sergeant didn’t look impressed, as he always did. Instead, the man just gestured at the man from the Scouting Legion. “Captain Tohdoh wanted to speak with you. Catch up with the rest of us when you’re done. Don’t take this an excuse for a day off.”

“No, sir!” Suzaku waited until the drill sergeant was gone before looking over at Captain Tohdoh.

The man looked familiar, but Suzaku had been paying attention to the key people in each military branch since the wall had fallen. Captain Tohdoh had to come under that tab.

He was tempted to salute again, but Tohdoh just waved him off. “At ease. I was just curious when your sergeant mentioned your name. Where are you from?”

Suzaku swallowed, but rattled off the answer that he had given on his first day. “From Torrine, sir.”

“Really? Then I must have been mistaken.” Tohdoh took a step back, looking over at the recruits that were trailing away from the drill field. “Because I thought that you were the same Suzaku that lived in Fujinomiya.” Suzaku flinched at the name of his village, not sure if Tohdoh caught it from the way that the man continued talking. “I knew a young boy there and I taught him some martial arts, some things I’d learned from training and on my own, every time I came through. And I knew his father, at least before Genbu Kururugi was killed.”

“M-my father committed suicide.”

“He wouldn’t have. I knew Genbu, not well, but well enough to know that he wouldn’t have just given up on his rebellion.”

Suzaku dropped his gaze, feeling the world reel around him.

Someone knew. Someone knew and they probably had enough power to ruin everything. The crime of killing his father wouldn’t hurt him now, but he was sure that it would be used against him in combination of another charge. And another charge would come up. The Military Police hadn’t forgotten about Fujinomiya. He would be dragged out of whatever branch he chose to go into and sent to a trial, and Suzaku would plead guilty to everything because he had been protected for so long. What he desperately wanted was some kind of consequence for his actions instead of everyone understanding and swallowing the lie.

He forced himself back into the proper military posture, saluting Tohdoh. “I will accept any conviction that you pass on me, sir.”

To his surprise, Tohdoh just shook his head. “No. I’m not here to turn you in and let the Military Police carry on its little crusade. I came to look for the boy that was one of my best pupils. I hoped to find him still alive.”

“What do you want?”

“For you to finish training and then join the Scouting Legion. I would prefer to have people who know what they are doing. Not enough recruits are joining anyway. Think about it.”

Tohdoh walked away before Suzaku could say anything. He stared at his former teacher’s back, wanting to shout that he would join now. There was no chance that he would be able to go back to the few people that were left from his village and there was nothing really left for his other than the military. He desperately wanted peace, but he was good at fighting. But the Scouting Legion would be the perfect place for him.

He would be able to protect people and make up for what he had done. The casualty rate was 80% at the moment, so there was still a chance that he wouldn’t survive his first mission.

Suzaku clenched his hands into fists and turned, rushing to join his fellow recruits before he could call Tohdoh back.

* * *

Suzaku sucked in a deep breath as the nurse stitched up his arm, feeling the woman rest a comforting hand on his shoulder. She probably thought that he was trying to be brave; it was what all the others did. But it was just pain, the sharp bite that Suzaku had never gotten used to. Still, it was far better than the yawning disappointment that settled over him. Any maybe the nurse was trying to make him feel better about that too.

The mission outside of the walls had been a failure, Bartley panicking and leaving with half the corps. It was only because of Tohdoh that the rest had gotten back, and even then only barely. It had looked like they would all make it when they had regrouped, but they had run into trouble on their way back to the wall and had lost half of their already small number. But the new squads had worked better, at least that was something. If Bartley had still been in command, they would have been destroyed completely.

That still didn’t stop Suzaku from hating the fact that so many had died. Tohdoh assigned him a squad of his own, had promoted him in every way that mattered, official channels be damned. Even with the best of his recruit class, even with Kallen, he hadn’t been able to save them.

He could still see soldiers dying when he closed his eyes, the ones that he wasn’t fast enough to save.

Suzaku hissed at the harsh tug on his skin, opening his eyes to look at the nurse. The woman hurriedly tied off the knot and bustled off, probably to look over the other injured of the corps. He watched her go, reaching up to hold onto his arm, carefully to splay his fingers around the stitches.

He didn’t realize that Tohdoh was there until the man cleared his throat.

Suzaku turned and offered a one handed salute, not wanting to move his injured arm much. “Captain. Or are you Commander now?”

“Not yet, but it’s only a matter of time.” Tohdoh collapsed into the nearest chair, slumping back in it. It was strange to see Tohdoh abandon all military posture, but it had been a long week. And Tohdoh had yet to get a chance to rest between looking after the part of the corps that had come back with him and facing his superiors. The whispers in the Scouting Legion was that Bartley was fighting back against all the reports of his failure and that Prince Clovis was standing by him. If that was really the case, then Bartley could be Commander again, and the failure of a mission would just repeat itself forever.

Suzaku ducked his head, clenching his hands into fists. If that happened, then he didn’t know what he would do. If he couldn’t save people under Tohdoh’s command, the Tohdoh that everyone in the military agreed could work miracles, then how could he do it under Bartley? That was the whole reason he had joined the Scouting Legion, because it would allow him to save people. If they won back Wall Maria, then no one else would have to die. And he could die knowing that he had managed to do something good.

“Suzaku.” He looked up at the sound of his name, surprised to find that Tohdoh wasn’t looking at him. He made a sound to acknowledge that he was listening, Tohdoh sighing in response. “If we’re going to change this or manage to do anything of use, I’m going to need you to be there.”

“Sir?”

“You’re one of the best that I have.”

“But Kallen-”

“Is part of that, but I know I can depend on you. Which is why I’m asking you to keep from throwing yourself into danger for a little while longer.” Suzaku went to protest, but Tohdoh sat up. “I don’t care why you do it, I think I know anyway, and I don’t care. That’s your own business. But there will come a time when I’ll need you, and I don’t want it to come and find you dead. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

Tohdoh nodded, apparently satisfied by the answer. He got up, his back cracking as he moved. Suzaku winced at the sound, but didn’t say anything. He let Tohdoh leave the room, turning his gaze back to the stitches on his arm.

For Tohdoh, he would try and make his death count.

* * *

Suzaku stared at the prince standing in the middle of the courtroom, narrowing his eyes.

There had been a plan in place to get custody of the titan shifter, one that would have kept the kid safe. Suzaku clenched his hands into fists, trying to keep his face from showing his annoyance.

In one simple move, the prince had managed to not only interfere in military business but also to get himself involved with the Scouting Legion. All without even talking to the commander. And it was the same damn prince that he had saved in Trost. Suzaku had thought that the prince would have enough common sense or be frightened enough to go running for Pendragon again, back where he could play at being effective far away from the rest of them. Apparently, nearly getting eaten by a titan hadn’t been enough.

With Cornelia presiding over the trial, the prince was guaranteeded to get what he wanted. Everyone knew that the royals would grant each other favor above all else. It was part of their complicated game of trying to keep the others indebted to them.

At least they had won the kid right out from under Bartley and his Military Police, that was a kind of revenge. But it didn’t make Suzaku feel any better.

He didn’t look away as Kallen poked him in the back, but he did lean back so she could whisper in his ear. “You should have let him get eaten.”

Suzaku watched as Lelouch rested a hand on the kid's head and how the kid looked up at the prince like he was the entire world. And he let out a breathy “Yeah” as a response.

* * *

He jerked one of the straps into place, Suzaku pausing as some of the tension on the strap disappeared. He looked up to see Lelouch holding the other side of the apparatus, smiling his thanks. Unlike the other times, Lelouch didn’t smile back. The prince just took a step back, letting Suzaku pull on his gear all on his own.

The break in their routine made Suzaku freeze for a moment. Lelouch had always helped him before, Suzaku sure that the prince was taking one last chance touch him as much as he wanted. Out in the yard, Lelouch made a point of keeping himself distant from Suzaku. Or at least trying to keep his distance. Lelouch had said something about favoritism once, something about not wanting to misrepresent his interests. Suzaku hadn’t paid attention to what Lelouch had said, because it didn’t matter. No one in the corps actually cared about the two of them, there were bigger things to worry about than who was sleeping with who.

Like the expedition outside of the walls.

Suzaku paused in the middle of fastening a strap, glancing up at Lelouch as he slipped the end of the strap into the keeper. The upcoming expedition would explain Lelouch’s behavior; the way that Lelouch had been avoiding him, the way that he had been waking up with Lelouch almost plastered to his back, all the looks that Lelouch had been throwing him. Suzaku sighed and gave his harness a tug, making sure that it was snug.

When he was sure that it was secure, he stepped up to Lelouch and grabbing his chin. “Hey, look at me.”

Lelouch grabbed onto his wrist and tugged his hand away. “I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“No. But what do you expect me to do.” Lelouch walked over to a chair and sat down in it. “I can’t come with you, it would be pointless for me to try. And this expedition is important, a test of that new formation and Rolo’s titan form.” Lelouch shook his head. “But that doesn’t mean that I won’t worry.”

“About me? I’m touched.” Suzaku laughed, stopping when Lelouch shot him a glare. “Lelouch-”

“The fatality percentage is too high.”

“I’ve beaten it before.”

“There’s a first time for everything.” For a moment, it looked like Lelouch was going to shout off statistics at him, but the prince just ducked his head and curled in on himself.

Suzaku walked over to Lelouch, kneeling by his chair. It took a moment for Lelouch to look over at him, Suzaku waiting until Lelouch met his gaze to smile. “I’ll come back.”

“Can you promise that?”

He wanted to scoff and tell Lelouch that he would be coming back, but it would have been a lie and Lelouch was far too good at figuring out that Suzaku was lying. There was also the chance that Lelouch had been talking to the rest of his squad. Gino and Anya would never talk about it, but Suzaku was sure that Kallen would have told Lelouch about the suicidal rushes on titans that he would lead, the last minute rescues that should have killed him. He was still alive because of a mix of luck and his squad’s skill, and he was not willing to make a promise on either of them. Some part of him had hoped that Lelouch would have just accepted the fact that he would come back and let the subject drop. Then again, he knew Lelouch better than that.

Apparently, his hesitation had gone on for too long, because Lelouch grabbed onto him and hauled him closer. Suzaku winced as the chair’s arm dug into his side, but he ignored the pain.

Lelouch dug a hand into his hair, Suzaku swallowing at the pain that came when Lelouch tugged. But Lelouch didn’t seem to notice, too busy staring down at him. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on in your head because you won’t let me know. And I’ve let some of it slide, but I’m not overlooking this. Can you promise that you’ll come back?”

Suzaku reached up to pry Lelouch’s fingers from his hair, shaking his head. “Lelouch, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Like hell you are.” All the anger seemed to drain out of Lelouch, Suzaku surprised when Lelouch went from holding him in place to clinging to him. He wrapped his arms around Lelouch, pressing his face into Lelouch’s shoulder.

“Lelouch…”

“You’d better come back.” Lelouch lifted his head from Suzaku’s shoulder. “I’ll make it an order if that’ll make you listen to me. Come back alive. You understand me? Live.”

Suzaku rocked back onto his heels, staring at Lelouch. He must have moved, because he was saluting Lelouch on his feet, even though he couldn’t remember standing. And it felt like he had just spoken. Suzaku shook his head, letting his arms drop back to his side.

Lelouch was rubbing at his left eye, the prince waving Suzaku away when he leaned down to look. “It’s nothing. I’m fine. Get going before they come looking for you. Or before I’m tempted to hide you away.”

Suzaku smiled, leaning down to kiss Lelouch’s forehead before walking out of the room, trying to shake the ringing out of his ears.


	8. Chapter 8

Lelouch kept far away from Kallen as they rode into the interior of Wall Rose. He didn’t want to talk to her about what had happened, not when he didn’t know himself. He remembered wanting to get Nunnally out alive, so much so that he was willing to do anything to see that happen. And then the titans had walked away. Lelouch didn’t know what to make of it, didn’t want to think about it because then he would start to wonder what else had happened. With titans inside the wall, now was not the time to be thinking about what he had done in the past.

He glanced up at a shout from the front of the group, seeing the front runners beginning to split off into different directions as they started to relay the news of the breech and the evacuation. Lelouch swallowed, adjusting his arm around Nunnally. He couldn’t waste time worrying, the group was without a leader and they desperately needed Kallen free to take on whatever came their way.

He reined in his horse, making the animal pivot as he looked over the remaining group. Most of them were recruits, which made his stomach twist. It would be another Trost, a kind of death count that they couldn’t afford, especially with their force split in three; the recruits here, the main force still at Aries Villa and the rest of the Scouting Legion attempting to bring in Shin Hyuga. Lelouch took a deep breath, feeling Nunnally squeeze him gently around his middle.

“Kallen, redistribute the veterans. I want at least one with each group of recruits, but I want the majority to go with you to seek out the breech.” He saw her eyes narrow, Lelouch afraid that she would ignore his order. Instead, she gave him a curt nod, beginning to point at the members of their group that still had gear.

Lelouch let out a sight of relief, glancing over at the recruits before pointing at Sophie and Mariel. “You two will have to do without an escort. Ride toward Stohess and get the news to Commander Tohdoh. The titans shouldn’t be going along your route, but do everything you have to. Get to them and then head for Aries Villa, assemble everyone we have.”

The two girls gave him shaky nods before turning and riding off. Lelouch didn’t watch them go, watching as the rest of them broke up. He raised one hand to wave at Kallen, not surprised by the disgusted look that was sent his way. She would be coming after him once all of this was taken care of, and Lelouch wasn’t looking forward to that. Maybe he would be lucky and he would have Suzaku or Commander Tohdoh close by when that happened. Perhaps Kallen wouldn’t be so eager to tear him apart if her commanding officers were close by.

“Your highness?” Lelouch looked back at those still waiting for him, sighing in relief when he saw one of the men holding a horse.

He settled Nunnally onto it, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Nunnally, I have a job for you. I need you to ride with Euphemia and,” Lelouch had to glance up to see who the man was, “Marco for Maribelle’s house. You two will be warning her about what’s happening. Can you do that?”

To his surprise, Nunnally gave him a pretty good imitation of a salute with a smile on her face. “We’ll ride as fast as we can.” Her fist shook where it was pressed against her chest. “But what will you do?”

Lelouch forced himself to smile, keeping his voice steady. “I’d rather not send a pair of recruits off on their own. I’ll go with them and offer what help I can give them.”

Nunnally reached out to squeeze his hand. “Be careful big brother.”

“I always am.”

That seemed to satisfy her, Nunnally clicking her tongue to get her horse moving. Lelouch watched as she rode off with Euphemia and the soldier.

It was a relief to see her getting away and to safety. With Maribelle, Nunnally and Euphemia would be safe from the titans that were coming. Even better, they would both be safe from him and whatever he could do.

Lelouch rubbed at his left eye, quickly jerking his hand down. Now was not the time to falter. He could break later. Lelouch cleared his throat and gestured towards Sancia and Alice. “Let’s go.”

The two girls nodded and kicked their horses into a gallop.

* * *

The sun was setting when they reached the last city in their message chain. They had passed two other teams heading for the outermost villages. News had been shouted between the two of them, that the evacuation was going well and that the main force had been notified. They were scrambling and bringing the supplies that they so desperately needed.

On the titans there was no news, but the frantic look of some of the groups said it all. The titans had advanced just as they had predicted, which meant that they still had to keep running, run until they managed to get to the rest of the Scouting Legion. There was no word on casualties, something that made Lelouch worried. Any run of luck made him nervous, because it was bound to break quickly.

He and the two recruits pulled their horses to a trot as they entered Resseln. Lelouch nudged his horse over to the side, watching as the people of the city scurried away, listening to Alice and Sancia as they shouted orders.

Thus far, he had just been decoration, a fancy showing of authority if the people didn’t believe the two girls. But most of them took one look at the Scouting Legion uniforms and took off running.

Lelouch stretched out his back, wincing as he heard it crack. It had been a hard day of riding, and they would still have to turn and head for Maribelle’s castle. At least they would be able to take that stage of the journey slowly. They would have to because it was getting dark.

He looked up at the sky, watching the sunset above the roofs of the houses. The titans would slow down and stop once the sun went down, which would give everyone the chance to get to safety.

“Your highness?” He turned his attention to Alice, the girl giving him an awkward half bow from her saddle. “Everyone knows.”

“Good.” He turned his horse and started riding down the street. The sound of hooves on cobblestones was proof enough that the two girls were following him. “We’ll head for Maribelle’s and regroup with the rest of them there.”

“Of course.” There was a pause, Lelouch surprised by it. Alice had never seemed intimidated by him. More often than not, he had seen her slipping out of training to spend time with Nunnally when his sister came to Aries Villa. Alice was a common fixture by Nunnally’s side when that happened. The girl didn’t get the usual star-eyed look around royalty that most of the others did. He frowned, about to turn around in his saddle when he heard Alice whisper, “I’m sorry, your highness.”

Lelouch saw her arm move, only getting enough time to wonder how a human could move so fast before Alice’s fist connected with the back of his head, hard.

He rocked forward, hearing Alice and Sancia gasp like they were surprised. Lelouch tried to snarl and push them away from him as they rushed forward to hold him up. But he couldn’t move, not with his vision spinning and blackening on the edges.

“Don’t worry, he’s been riding hard all day. He’s probably just exhausted.”

“We’ll take care of him.”

Lelouch tried to call for help, but all that came out was a soft groan before he lost consciousness.

* * *

He woke up to someone shaking his shoulder. Lelouch reached out to swat at them, briefly mistaking them for Suzaku. But that couldn’t be right, because Suzaku was in Stohess and he had been riding through Resseln. And then  _Alice_.

Lelouch started upright, grunting as a heavy weight fell on his back and pressed his shoulders to the ground. He tried to twist in the hold, getting a glimpse of blonde hair before his face was pushed against the wooden floor of the house. Lelouch gritted his teeth and turned his head so he wouldn’t be crushing his nose. He took the opportunity to look around the house for clues to where he was.

To his disappointment, there was nothing that he could use to pinpoint his location. There was just a table to his left, Lelouch able to see the legs of the person sitting at the table. Beyond the table were a line of windows, the last bits of sunlight coming through them.

So he hadn’t been out for long, a good thing. There was still time for him to escape and then get lost in the darkness. It would be harder to regroup with the others, but at least he wouldn’t have to worry about facing a titan. Lelouch didn’t even want to think about trying to outrun a titan while his head was still spinning.

The chair to his left scraped against the floor as the person stood up, Lelouch moving his head to follow Sancia as she stepped away from the table. He saw her kneel, giving someone a formal court bow. “He’s awake, your majesty.”

Lelouch tensed at the title, trying to tip his head up far enough to see the man who had walked into the room. He couldn’t move far enough with Alice on his back, but the voice told him everything that he needed to know.

“And you’re sure that he’s everything you say?”

“Yes.” Sancia didn’t move from her bow. “We’ve been watching him carefully and we’ve suspected him of using the power a few times.”

“Suspected?”

“And seen him use it, recently. It worked on titans.”

“I see.” Lelouch renewed his struggles as his father went silent for a moment. He didn’t know what they were talking about and he didn’t want to stay to find out. This was something that Kallen would be good at, or Gino. He didn’t have the training to just wait for information, not when he was facing his father.

He heard Charles zi Britannia laugh, watching as the emperor’s boots moved closer to him. “Hold his head up, and cover that eye of his.”

Alice complied with the order, Lelouch gasping as she grabbed his hair and yanked his head from the floor. He tried to twist out of her grip, but all he got was a firm yank on his hair and Alice pressing a hand over his left eye. Lelouch tried to close his right eye, only to have Charles lean over and grab his chin.

The shock made him open his eye, Lelouch realizing what he had done too late.

He saw his father smile briefly before the man spoke. “Charles zi Britannia engraves upon you, false memories of a false life.”

For a brief moment, Lelouch thought he saw something flash in his father’s eyes, but then he was screaming and his head felt like it was being torn apart. Lelouch writhed under Alice’s hold, kept in place easily by the girl.

The ache in his head peaked, Lelouch going limp. Alice released him then, Lelouch watching her blearily. Everything hurt and he didn’t have the energy to move. His head was still pounding, Lelouch getting flashes of memories that didn’t quite make sense. He groaned and closed his eyes, trying desperately not to think so that his head would stop hurting.

It didn’t help, Lelouch opening his right eye and pressing his head against the cold wood floor in the hopes that it would help. Part of him hoped that he would pass out, because he wouldn’t be able to feel the pain when he was unconscious. Lelouch rubbed his head against the floor to move his bangs out of the way, sighing with relief when his temple was pressed against the wood.

With some of his discomfort gone, Lelouch looked at the three that were standing at the end of the room, frowning when he realized that he only knew two of them. Alice and Sancia were familiar, but the imposing man was strange and dressed completely differently from the people from his village.

The task of placing the man was too much, Lelouch letting his right eye fall part of the way shut as he just listened to the three talk.

“There. I’ve kept my promise. Now tell my brother that I expect to be left alone.” The man turned to leave, pausing to look back at the two girls. “Head to Utgard, that’s where the rest of your friends are.”

“Yes, your majesty.” There was a pause, Lelouch struggling to keep his eye open so he could watch the shadows. “What if they ask about Lelouch?”

“Tell them the prince will be joining them shortly.”


	9. Chapter 9

Suzaku eyed the pastor sitting in front of him. He drummed his fingers on the hilt of his sword, nervous energy making it impossible for him to sit still. But he had to because Commander Tohdoh was speaking with Commander Smilas right in front of him and it was impossible to just limp off without the two of them knowing. He looked down at his injured ankle, grimacing.

He was unable to fight because of an injury that he didn’t remember getting.

He sighed and tipped his head back, staring at the sky and listening to the bustle of soldiers around him.

As soon as the commanders were done talking strategy, all of the soldiers would leave to go and investigate the recent titan invasion, meeting up with the rest of the Scouting Legion and the recruits that had been under observation. After that, Suzaku would have to wait for the news that came back from the battle. He huffed and offered up a quick prayers to gods that he didn’t quite believe in to keep his squad safe. Kallen would certainly lead them better than he ever could, but the situation was worse than anything they had ever encountered. Titans were already inside Wall Rose and everyone was unorganized. Suzaku could only hope that the rest of the military moved out quickly to assist those already out in the field.

He turned his head to eye the group of Military Police that were passing him, surprised when Captain Guilford nodded at him. Cornelia’s favorite had never bothered to acknowledge him before. So the situation was really that bad.

Suzaku muttered a curse under his breath, ignoring the way that Pastor Jeremiah startled. Cecile had just left with Rolo, Nina and Milly, along with the rest of their science team, to go investigate the news that the titans had breached the wall. Officially, their orders had been to find the breach, but Suzaku had his own suspicions about what they group was really doing. If the invasion was as bad as the rumors, then he was sure that they would all be fighting.

The sound of shouting pulled his attention away from his foreboding thoughts. Suzaku twisted in his seat, watching as a rider came galloping up to them, his eyes widening as he recognized them.

Before he had thought about what he was doing, he had slipped from the back of the wagon. He thought he heard Pastor Jeremiah call out for him, but he was too focused on Kallen.

She was supposed to be out with the recruits, she was supposed to be out with  _Lelouch_.

He gritted his teeth against the pain in his ankle and made his way over to her horse, grabbing the reins before anyone else could. It was a little bit gratifying that the other soldiers took a step back from him. Even injured, he was still intimidating enough to push through them. That was something at least, more than he expected since he was just a kid from Fujinomiya in the end.

To his annoyance, Kallen didn’t look at him. She just saluted the assembled officers and started into her report. “Evacuations are proceeding without a problem. But we haven’t found a brech.” The assembled soldiers started to mutter among themselves, quickly cut off when Tohdoh swept out a hand. The commander nodded at Kallen to continue. “There was a Recon Corps team and a Stationary Guard team that scoured the wall and met in the middle, and there was nothing. We have no idea how the titans got inside. But that’s not our biggest problem. We’ve discovered the identity of three other titan shifters in the corps, and all of them have escaped.”

The assembled soldiers broke into an uproar, Kallen having to scream to be heard over them. “One successfully defended Castle Utgard until reinforcements could get there to save the trainees that still remained. But she didn’t help beyond that. As soon as the Colossal and Armored Titan appeared, she joined their side. The team under Cecile’s command was badly injured in the attack and are receiving medical care at the moment. As soon as they are ready, they are going to go after the three titans, because they took Rolo.”

Silence fell over them, Suzaku feeling just as surprised as the rest of them. Even if he didn’t like Rolo personally, the kid was their best chance at defeating the titans. It was easier to fight fire with fire, especially considering the fatalities that were usually associated with fighting. If they didn’t have Rolo, then they would be back to square one, struggling to just keep a foothold on the land that they held. Even worse if Rolo turned traitor as well, because then there would be four shifters that would be fighting against them. It had taken everything they had to take down Shin, Suzaku didn’t know if they would be able to do the same with four other shifters, especially ones so familiar with their tactics.

Commander Tohdoh was the one to break the silence, the commander stepping away from Smilas. “Get yourself ready to move out and make sure the elevators are ready to carry supplies up to the top of the wall. We’ll be traveling along the top. Send someone to where the attack happened and have the elevators waiting there and then tell the squads there to wait. It would be better to go after them in force than to have two squads eliminated completely.”

The squad leaders took up the orders, shouting to the members of their squads. Soon, the soldiers were rushing around to finish up the last minute things that needed doing before the attack commenced.

Suzaku just clung to Kallen’s horse, using its bulk to stay out of the way. With the rush he wasn’t going to risk his ankle getting kicked. He needed it to last until they got to where the titans were. When everything slowed down, he would make sure to wrap the injured joint before mounting up, for the extra support.

He leaned out, intending to grab a passing soldier and order his gear brought to him, but Tohdoh caught him first. Suzaku found himself being escorted to the cart and bullied back up into the back. He reached back to push Tohdoh away, eventually edging to the side of the cart. “Commander…”

“I’ll make it an order, Suzaku. There’s no way that you’re going.”

“I can ride and fight on this.”

“I know. But I need you here to watch over the extermination of the titans inside of the wall.”

“Kallen could do it just as well.”

“Suzaku-”

Kallen cleared her throat, the two of them looking over at her. She ducked her head, more to the commander than Suzaku. She wouldn’t have bothered with the nicety if it had just been the two of them. Suzaku would have been pushed back into the cart and sat on if that kept him still.

He stopped his attempts to climb out of the cart when Kallen glanced over at him, Suzaku recoiling at the look of pity on her face. He didn’t want to be pitied because he was injured and he never thought that Kallen would look at him like that. She had been there when he had gotten the injury and she had been the one pushing him to go faster to catch up with the rest of the corps, even when his leg had kept giving out on him.

Suzaku frowned and reached down to hold onto his ankle, watching as Kallen dropped her gaze to the joint with a frown.

“Kozuki.” She started at the sound of her name, looking up at Commander Tohdoh.

“There is something else, but I don’t think you would want it spread around. When we first encountered the titans, something strange happened. Lelouch was able to command them to go away. I don’t know how or why, but they listened to him when he shouted at them. I can’t explain it.” Kallen paused, glancing over at Suzaku before turning her back to him. “Finally, there are more than three traitors, but I didn’t want to tell it to the others, not with Commander Smilas there. I don’t think that he would react well to it.”

“And it’s better for him to find out about it in the field?”

“Maybe. I don’t know how to explain it to him at all, because there was a fourth traitor.” Kallen paused to fish a bloodied patch out of her pocket and pass it over to Tohdoh. “We were all focusing on the two titans that we didn’t even notice this one.”

“Another shifter?”

“No. This one was human and one of ours.” She glanced over her shoulder at Suzaku before delivering the report in a low voice. “He just showed up in 3DM gear, I don’t even know how he got it let along use it. He’d never had the training. But he gave the titans a chance to escape with Rolo and Leila, the third shifter. He killed Yoshida and cut Tamaki really bad before going over the wall. None of us saw it coming.”

“Who was he?”

Kallen seemed to ignore the question, reaching out to grab onto the commander’s sleeve. “Don’t tell anyone else, we’re on shaky enough ground as it is. You were right about us not being able to trust the government, but we didn’t even think about this.” She caught herself, stepping back until she was leaning against the cart. Suzaku reached down to touch her shoulder surprised when Kallen shook him off. “Don’t Suzaku, because you should have known. You were closer to him than anyone else. You should have seen something, unless he did something to you too.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Lelouch betrayed us.”

Suzaku stared at her, some part of him wanted to laugh. It was unthinkable, Lelouch was their greatest supporter, the one who had given Tohdoh the chance to drag the Scouting Legion out of the infamy it had been falling into. Even if Lelouch had been using them to spite his father and the general populace, it didn’t matter because their goals had been the same.

But the look on Kallen’s face made him keep quiet. She was completely serious, the glare that she was giving him daring him to argue with her.

Suzaku shook his head, forcing something that sounded more like a sob than a laugh out. “That’s ridiculous. Lelouch wouldn’t do that to us.”

“Then why did he suddenly gain an interest in the Scouting Legion? Why did he only pay attention to us after he saw that Rolo could change? Why did he sit in on all of our meetings, no matter how small? Why did he demand to know the route that we would be taking on the expedition and where Rolo would be? Why did he try to stick close to those two traitors instead of going to the capital with the rest of you? You know that he could have helped!” Kallen took a deep breath, pushing away from the cart to stand with Tohdoh. “I didn’t want to believe it either, Suzaku, but I saw him kill Yoshida with my own eyes. I saw him use that gear like he’d been in training with us. It hurts, but there’s no other explanation. He was using us from the start!”

Suzaku slumped back into the cart, staring at the two of them. There was no argument that he could make to sway either of them, not when Kallen had evidence, not when she had seen Lelouch’s attack. Kallen was a member of his squad, someone that he trusted with his back, someone that he trusted above Lelouch.

He looked up at Tohdoh, some part hoping for some order that would make sense of everything. Instead, Tohdoh just stared at the bloodied patch in his hand and sighed.

“Kallen, you’ll take command of your squad for this mission and until Lance Corporal Kururugi recovers. Go find them.”

She saluted and went to walk away, Suzaku leaning forward and grabbing onto her sleeve before he had thought the action through. He was still working through the swirling mess of disbelieve and hot anger at the news.

Being with Lelouch had been comfortable, almost like being at home. It had given him something to come back to, someone that would miss him. Someone to make him think twice about throwing himself at a titan. It hadn’t stopped him completely, but at least it had made him think. Suzaku had felt like it was something worth coming back to, that everything would be alright.

But Lelouch had known the entire time. Lelouch had been behind  _everything_.

Kizuna Kagesaki, Nobu Kinoshita, Naomi Inoue, Shogo Ashaina, Ryoga Senba, Kosetsu Urabe, Toru Yoshida.

There were more that had died, more that had been horribly injured. Suzaku remembered all of them, and they had all been Lelouch’s fault.

He tightened his grip on Kallen’s sleeve, sucking in a quick breath between his teeth. “Kallen, if you find Lelouch, bring him back alive.”

“Suzaku, you know I can’t.”

“This is an order!” Suzaku ignored the way that she jumped. “Bring him back alive so I can kill him myself.”

Kallen relaxed at the order, giving him a sharp nod. “I will try my best, sir.”

That was enough to get him to release her, Kallen rushing off to carry out her orders.

Suzaku settled back into the cart, propping up his ankle on the opposite bench. He stared at it instead of looking at the other soldiers. They wouldn’t have heard their conversation, but he didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes. He didn’t want to be reminded how useless he had become, with his ankle and then with Lelouch.

He slumped forward, pressing a hand over his eyes and he tried not to cry. He wouldn’t cry over a traitor, no matter how torn apart he felt over it. Because Kallen had been right. He should have known.


	10. Chapter 10

C.C. watched as Suzaku limped into the warehouse, dragging the Wall Priest after him. She narrowed her eyes at the sight of the man, her hands dropping to her swords. Of everyone to be there at the moment, it had to be Jeremiah Gottwald. Still, there was a chance that he wouldn’t recognize her. He had been a recruit fresh out of training when she had left the Military Police. He had probably still been going through the hazing that all of the new recruits had suffered through, something that C.C. had tried to distance herself from. Then again, there was every chance that he would remember her completely. Wall Priest or Military Police, it didn’t matter. Jeremiah would still have enough power to turn her in and get her killed.

She sighed and sunk back a bit further into the shadows. It would be better to wait things out, just in case things didn’t add up the way that she wanted them to. And, after staying behind when the rest of the Scouting Legion had moved out, she needed to be careful. Suzaku might have been off duty because of his injury, but he outranked her. Beyond that he looked angry, far more angry than she had ever thought that Suzaku Kururugi could manage. She had always thought of him as a laid back person, apparently her guess had been off. And, as much as it frightened her that she had misjudged so badly, it intrigued her. Because here was another person that was as good as herself at hiding everything.

Suzaku pulled Jeremiah to the back corner of the warehouse, C.C. following carefully. She kept to the shadows, crouching down when Suzaku finally threw Jeremiah in the direction of the corner. For a moment, she thought that Suzaku was going to sit down, but the lance corporal just wavered on his feet. Eventually he leaned against a box, probably taking most of his weight off of his injury. “Talk.”

Jeremiah glared at Suzaku as he tugged at his robes, straightening them before getting to his feet. “I don’t think I have to. I told your commanding officers all I knew.”

“But you didn’t tell me. So talk.”

C.C. saw Jeremiah’s lip curl in a face of disgust. She rolled her eyes, giving up her uncomfortable crouched position in the shadows to slide onto a box. With the way that they were carrying on, it would take them a while to figure out that she was there. And, when they happened, she would be ready with an excuse. It wasn’t too much of a stretch to lie that Tohdoh had ordered her to remain behind to make sure that Suzaku didn’t do anything stupid. She was sure that the commander had thought about it for a while before he had thought better. If they were going after the titans, then Tohdoh would need everything he had to fight. C.C. would take what punishment duties would be pushed on her and relish in the information that she had gotten.

Jeremiah was standing with his back in the corner, his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t have to. You can threaten me all you want or kill me, but your superiors would be very disappointed in you.”

“I don’t care.”

“You should.” Jeremiah narrowed his eyes. “This is far above what some Recon Corps dog needs to know.”

“I’m running out of patience!”

C.C. rolled her eyes, shifting to a more comfortable position on her crate. Her gear knocked against the wood, C.C. letting out a quiet curse as the two men turned to stare at her.

It barely took Suzaku a moment to remember her, muttering her name as Jeremiah continued to stare at her in surprise. Suzaku stepped away from the crate he had been leaning again, turning around completely. “What are you doing here? Your orders were to move out.”

C.C. shrugged. “I decided to stay.”

“That’s insubordination.”

“I like to think of it as being creative.” She slipped off the crate, glancing between the two of them as she calculated the best way to get herself out of the situation.

She didn’t want to be kicked out of the warehouse, because she was interested in what was going on. The Scouting Legion wouldn’t be dragging along a Wall Priest for no reason, especially not Lloyd Asplund. It was a well known fact that the man couldn’t stand the religion. So why was this one so important?

C.C. was sure that it wasn’t because of Jeremiah’s connections to the Military Police, because those had been years ago. Sometime after Marianne’s death, he had been discharged from the Military Police to join the Wall Cult, which meant that he had probably cut all ties to the military organization. But he was bound to know more interesting information now that he was a member of the Wall Cult. C.C. remembered how closely Charles had held the Wall Cult and how tangled they were with certain royal families. The politics in Pendragon were convoluted, but the Wall Cult was usually in the center of all of it.

She made a show of putting up her blades and holding up her hands, winking at Suzaku. “And we’re here for the same reason. Something obviously doesn’t add up and we’re not going to wait to get the information that anyone higher up decides to drop to us. Besides, you’re as bored as I am. Both of us aren’t fighting-”

“You had orders to.”

“So we have to find something to do.” C.C. ignored his interruption, choosing to turn her attention to Jeremiah. “Now, talk or else we’ll all just be sitting here in silence.”

“Why should I?”

The question came out a bit shakier that Jeremiah had probably meant it, which was good for the two of them. C.C. smiled and pulled herself up onto another crate, taking the moment to glance over at Suzaku.

He still looked furious, which was a sign that something had gone horribly wrong. He probably wasn’t lying about lacking the patience to deal with Jeremiah, so it would be best for C.C. to push the interrogation along a little bit faster. She wouldn’t put it past Suzaku to kill when he was in a mood like this. Of course, he would feel guilty over it later, but that was for Lelouch to deal with, not her.

C.C. leaned forward, resting her chin in her hand. “Because it would help the two of us. I’m sure you know things that I don’t and vice versa. You see, I was a bit reckless when I was younger, joining all sorts of organizations without really thinking about what they would ask me to do. So I picked up a bit here and there, nothing huge, but enough little pieces to figure out something was up and then to get out. I doubt that you would have been given everything that the Wall Cult knows, considering where you came from, but maybe we could help each other.” She paused, giving him a moment to think about it before throwing in her last jibe. “If you’re really good, I’ll tell you about Marianne.”

“Lady Marianne?” From the longing in his voice when he said her name, C.C. had guessed right.

After all, Lady Marianne had been the best of the Military Police, idolized by every recruit who joined. It seemed like Jeremiah had been no different.

C.C. grinned and leaned forward. “I know who killed her and why they killed her. And I’ll tell you if you give us some information about what’s going on.”

Jeremiah slumped against the wall, C.C. giving Suzaku a victorious smile. To which the soldier just huffed and looked away. It was the expected reaction from him anyway. She shrugged and drummed her heels against the crate, waiting for Jeremiah to make his decision.

As she had hoped, he looked up at them, his shoulders slumped as he gave in. “I…I don’t know much, just what the families will tell us. If you want more information, you would have to speak to the Stadtfelds or the Makals. They’re the ones who know the most about the walls, aside from the emperor himself.” Jeremiah looked between the two of them. “I already told this to your superiors. You have a member from both those houses in the Scouting Legion.”

Suzaku cursed and took a step back, C.C. watching him carefully. He stumbled but caught himself against a crate, breathing heavily as he lifted his injured ankle from the ground.

C.C. sighed and leaned back on her crate. “By that he means that they are both out with the rest of the corps at the moment, so unable to tell us anything. Still, at least we know who to talk to now. Thank you for that.”

It wasn’t the best information that she had gotten, but now she knew where to start digging again. Apparently, she hadn’t bothered to dig too deeply into Leila’s history as she had hoped to. Still, she had her old codes from the Military Police that would still be accepted. It would be easy enough to sneak into Pendragon again and search back in her history. She could tackle the Stadtfelds while she was there to, just to be thorough.

She hopped off the crate, intending to leave the warehouse when Suzaku caught her arm.

“Wait.” He pushed away from the crate, nearly leaning his full weight on her. “You said you joined organizations, that you knew things.”

“Yes, but I would rather not repeat them ten times over and have it out there. Then people would try to kill me.”

“Then just answer me a single question. What has Lelouch done to me?”

She frowned, tempted to just wave him off and walk away. But Suzaku was serious in a way that she had never seen him before. Serious, angry, injured and probably armed; a dangerous combination.

C.C. tilted his chin up, gently turning his face from side to side as she contemplated the problem. She didn’t know what Marianne had done to Lelouch, aside from injecting him with her version of the serum. C.C. didn’t know what version it was or if it was a type of serum that she was familiar with. All she knew was that she had the same kind of awareness of Lelouch that she had with Leila, and he was nothing like her. Leila could shift, Lelouch couldn’t. C.C. was sure about that. Still, something had happened to convince Suzaku that something was wrong.

“Tell me about it.”

“Kallen reported that she saw Lelouch shout a command at the titans, and they obeyed him.”

C.C. froze for a moment, thinking over the information. Then, carefully she tilted Suzaku’s head to one side with one hand. “Kallen saw this?”

“Yes.”

“Today?”

“Yes.”

 C.C. dropped her other hand to rest on her sword, drawing it slightly out of it’s place, all the while paying attention to Suzaku.

He tensed at first, waiting for her to make a move. Still, it was an automatic reaction, army training. Nothing different.

She was about to push her blade back into place when Suzaku relaxed under her touch, the anticipatory tension replaced with something else. C.C. frowned, catching the way that Suzaku’s eyes unfocused for a moment and then, just as quickly, refocused exclusively on her hand. Something flickered at the edges of his iris, something red.

She slammed the blade back into place and took a step back, careful to keep both hands in plain sight. C.C. marked the exact moment that Suzaku came back to himself, the soldier shaking his head and his eyes going back to normal. “Yes, what does-” Suzaku groaned and pressed a hand against his head, looking a bit dazed. “What just happened?”

“An experiment.” C.C. tipped her head to the side, trying to keep her face blank.

So that’s what Marianne had done. She had given her son the most advanced version of the serum, the one that V.V. had still be working on when she had left the organization. The one that was supposed to have been kept outside of the walls until it had tested well. Apparently, someone had messed up or purposefully passed it along. It didn’t matter in any case, V.V. would be looking for it and anyone who possessed it. C.C. doubted that he would do anything to hurt Lelouch, especially since Lelouch had proven to be a successful case, but it was definitely something that they could do without V.V. having. He didn’t need any more weapons in the campaign against his brother.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Where’s Lelouch?”

“Gone.”

“Gone where?”

Suzaku looked at the ground instead of her, hands clenched at his sides. It was enough of a tell that C.C. got the time to suck in a quick breath before he spoke. “He’s gone with the others that went over the wall. He betrayed us.”

C.C. froze, staring at Suzaku. The man was too distressed to lie and far too honest. Still, that didn’t mean that what he said made sense.

Lelouch’s whole life was on this side of the wall, with Nunnally and Euphemia. More recently, it had expanded to the Scouting Legion, to Suzaku. There was no reason that he would leave unless Nunnally was threatened, but Lelouch’s sister was fine. C.C. made it a point to keep track of where Nunnally was, because she was important to Lelouch and because C.C. had promised Marianne. Unless a whole contingent of the Scouting Legion had been threatened, which C.C. doubted would happen, or Suzaku himself had been threatened, Lelouch wouldn’t move. Which meant something had gone wrong.

“How do you know this?”

“Kallen saw it happen. He rode off with Sancia and Alice just before those two attacked the wall.”

C.C. barely stopped herself from dropping her hands to her swords. Suzaku would take it as a threat and the geass that Lelouch had put on him would activate. C.C. was not in the mood for broken bones, not when Lelouch had managed to get dragged back into everything she had spent the past eighteen years of his life dragging him out of.

She turned on her heel and began to stride from the warehouse, only stopping when Suzaku demanded to know where she was going. Distanced from him, C.C. allowed her hands to drop to her swords, noting the brief flash of red around Suzaku’s iris. “I’m going to go and fix this before something else goes wrong. Now, come on. We’ll be meeting them at the wall.”

“What are you going to do, C.C?”

“I’m going to save him. You can try and do whatever you want.”

To her surprise, that seemed to be the answer that Suzaku was looking for. He grinned and limped after her, muttering something about finding gear. C.C. stepped to the side to watch him go, smiling despite herself.

Interesting and dangerous. She would keep him around.

A soft noise from the corner drew her attention back to Jeremiah, the man staring at her in shock. “You…you promised me…”

“I did.” She flipped her hair over her shoulders and out of her way. “Marianne was killed by a human, one that could shift into a titan. V.V. ordered her dead because she knew a bit too much about certain things, the same things that you know about. Strange how these coincidences happen.”

She turned and marched out of the warehouse before the priest could say another word, leaving him to think over his choices.


	11. Chapter 11

Rolo glanced desperately around the courtroom, feeling lost.

None of his friends were in the stands, just select members of the military branches and some of the merchants. Standing with the Military Police, Rolo could see a few members of the Wall Cult, their presence worrying him.

He had done everything that he had been asked. He had transformed and hauled the rock to the hole in the wall. Surely the priests understood that it was a matter of saving people and that it superseded their precious walls. And he had been under orders, so it should have been his superiors out in the open.

Rolo could see Commander Smilas with the rest of the Stationary Guard, looking just as composed as he had been earlier. The orders had come from him, the plan from one of his soldiers. Rolo had just been the pawn that had moved, because he had been their only hope. But that wasn’t a crime and it hardly warranted the two days spent in a cell. There were other things that he could have been doing, like helping wipe out the titans that had remained in Trost or tying to find Léandre’s body.

He felt bile rise at the back of his throat at the thought of his brother. Everything had happened so fast and he hadn’t even gotten the chance to mourn him.

Léandre was the only family that he had left after Shinganshina, their mother long dead. Gone in the same way that Léandre had died, eaten by a titan while Rolo hadn’t been able to do anything. And Rolo had been just as useful both times, another failure in his record.

He shifted on the floor, noting how the people in the stands stared at him in fear. He glared at them, feeling a little bit justified by their fear. None of them knew how really desperate he was after losing everything. Everything that he had worked for in the first place had been taken away by a single titan, Rolo still able to easily picture Léandre’s face as the titan had shut its jaws on him. He could still see the teeth sever Léandre’s arm and remember how the limb had fell to the street below, all while he had been too frightened to do anything.

Rolo hadn’t ever wanted to join the military, not even when Léandre had been making it sound like an adventure when they were younger. After the stories were done, Rolo would look at the members of the Stationary Guard or the Scouting Legion and want nothing more than to stay where he was. He didn’t want to serve the king or fight from the freedom of humanity; both would conflict with the mission that he had been given before he had been left in the field to be found by Giles Haliburton.

His mission had been simple, watch, wait and gather information. He had been told that there would be a time when someone would come for his report, but that person hadn’t come before Shinganshina had been destroyed, and Rolo doubted that they were ever coming. Not with the way the rest of his mission had turned out.

For one, he had never been able to figure out what was so important about Gilles Haliburton. The man was a fantastic doctor, a good father and a kind man. Unless the mission had been just another step in his training, there had been no reason for him to live with the Haliburtons for six years of his life. But his instructions had never made it sound like a training mission, not like the short ones he had been given back with the rest of the children. Besides, they had said he was ready when they had left him in that field, that they were counting on him.

That nothing would ever happen to him.

Rolo snorted and looked up to where Princess Cornelia li Britannia was sitting in judgment of him. That was a lie then too. They hadn’t come for him after Wall Maria had fallen. They hadn’t come for him before he had joined the military. They hadn’t come for him at Trost nor had they showed themselves in time to save Léandre. They hadn’t even told him that he wasn’t completely human, that he could transform into a titan. If he had known that than everything would have been different.

Instead, he had been told to sit and wait and it had cost him everything.

For all they knew, he could have gathered important information about Gilles Haliburton, which was going to die with him now and it would serve them right. If they had cared about him, their little spy, they would have come to him sooner instead of letting him rot away in Trost for two years before he and Léandre were allowed to join the military. They would have snuck him away from this trial. But they hadn’t, and it just made Rolo hate them a bit more. It made him think that they had never intended his time with the Haliburtons to be anything more than holding, that they had lied to make him feel important. Rolo hadn’t been privy to their plans but he bet that they were behind whatever was going on, and he was going to get to the bottom of it. Whatever his real purpose with the Haliburtons had been, they had been a family to him and so close to everything that Rolo had ever wanted, and now it was gone. And he desperately wanted a chance to make them pay, but it didn’t look like he would get one, not with the way that Cornelia was frowning over the reports.

Cornelia set the papers down carefully, Rolo making sure that he met her glare. She was quick to look away, focusing instead on where Commander Smilas was standing. “Everything is in the reports?”

“Yes, your highness.”

She hummed, the sound loud enough to be heard in the courtroom. “Well then, what do you propose we do?”

Smilas looked shocked for a moment before he struggled. “Clearly he would make a good weapon. He managed to turn back the tide in Trost.”

“With considerable loss of life.”

“It was better than before, better than Shinganshina.”

Rolo winced at the mention of his hometown, sure that the princess had noticed it. Still, it hurt because he could still remember the way that Slyvie Haliburton,  _his mother_ , had dangled from the fist of a titan, unable to fight back as the creature had lifted her to its mouth. He swallowed and looked up cautiously, not liking how Cornelia scowled at the commander.

“There are many things better than Shinganshina. I’m sorry, Gene, but I need more proof than this one incident to make a firm decision on what to do with him. And I don’t feel comfortable just leaving him out there without having some knowledge on what he is doing.” Her hand reached out for the gavel, Rolo tensing and leaning back against the pole that he was chained to. “That’s why I have decided to give him to the Military Police, unless there are other angles that I haven’t seen to this.”

The sound of someone clearing their throat made Rolo look to his left, surprised to see Commander Tohdoh stepping to the railing. “Your highness, I think that we-”

There was a dull boom as the doors swung open, cutting off what Tohdoh had to say.

Rolo tried to twist to look over his shoulder, hissing at the burst of pain from his arm and in annoyance as he realized that he wouldn’t be able to see who was walking up behind him. He tensed, rolling his shoulders forward at the thought. There was no telling who the person was and Rolo couldn’t judge on their identity by the look of shock on the audience’s faces. For all he knew, it could be a last ditch attempt to exterminate him for good. He twisted his body a bit more, ignoring the pain in his arm only to be completely unable to see the person.

He gave up with a sigh, choosing to watch Cornelia instead, the princess just as shocked as the rest of the courtroom.

“Really, Cornelia, I thought you would have more sense than that.”

The princess gripped the edge of her platform, Rolo seeing how she had to work to keep her face neutral. “As did I, Lelouch. Schneizel will be disappointed that you forgot all his lessons.”

“But I haven’t.” There was a soft creak from behind him, which must have been the door to the center area opening. “I believe that he would agree with me on this. We need to keep him around for our sakes. It’s not like you to throw away such a valuable soldier.”

“I’m sending him to-”

“The Military Police, I heard. But you know what they will do as soon as you turn your back. You may favor them, but father’s orders will always carry more weight than yours. If you’ve read the report, they intend to dissect him.”

“With Guilford he’d be safe.”

“Yes, and useless, because you’d have to watch him at all times.” The person stopped beside him, Rolo finding himself staring at the eleventh prince. Lelouch just gave him a slow nod before turning his attention back to Cornelia. “And you have far better things to do than to babysit a soldier.”

“Are you volunteering yourself?”

“Not as such. I have other plans. But I might be able to keep an eye on him, as long as I have some help.” Lelouch smiled and leaned casually against the pole, not seeming to mind that Rolo was close enough to touch him. “I was in Trost while the titans were attacking, and received some help from certain members of the Scouting Legion.” Lelouch’s eyes flicked to the left, Rolo turning to follow the prince’s gaze.

To his surprise, the man standing next to Commander Tohdoh flinched back, his expression going from neutral to a frown. Lelouch didn’t seem to notice or care the way he continued on.

“I know they’re not your favorite part of the military, but we need them because they know how to fight titans. And, what better place to have a titan than with the elite forces.”

Cornelia raised an eyebrow. “And you’ll take responsibility for this?”

“For Rolo and the Scouting Legion.”

“Then they are in your hands.” Rolo jumped as Cornelia banged the gavel against her platform, dropping the gavel down and shrugging. “Just bring him back when you’ve tested him, and we’ll reevaluate the situation. I may trust you, Lelouch, but I still don’t trust him.”

She stepped down from the platform and walked away, leaving the courtroom in silence.

Rolo barely got a chance to process what had happened before he felt a hand on his head, looking up to see Lelouch smiling down at him. He licked his lips, beginning to stutter out his gratitude when he was interrupted by Commander Bartley.

“Your highness, you still shouldn’t be standing so close to that monster on your own. He’s dangerous.”

Lelouch laughed, Rolo surprised at how loud the sound was in the court room. He even felt a slight pressure on the top of his head as Lelouch leaned against him for a brief moment, the prince steadying himself as he regained his composure. “Bartley, he’s not the most dangerous person in this room, I am. You have swords to defend yourself against him, but you have nothing that can defend against me. Keys!”

The last part was addressed to one of Rolo’s guards, the soldier fumbling with the set of keys at his waist before handing them to Lelouch with a bow. Lelouch didn’t seem to notice, too busy kneeling down to undo the pole that was holding him in place, all the while speaking quietly. “Don’t worry, I won’t let them hurt you, the Military Police or the Scouting Legion. I saw what you did out there, and I know that you could help us win against the titans. Are you willing to do that?”

“Why?"

Lelouch paused in unlocking Rolo’s cuffs, probably thrown off by the fact that Rolo hadn’t answered his question. The prince fiddled with the keys for a moment before sighing. “I don’t want my sister to grow up in a world where she could get killed at any time. I think you understand that.”

Rolo flinched, trying to banish the image of Léandre’s arm falling to the street below him. “Yes.”

“It might be too late to save your brother, but will you help me save my family? In return, I’ll make sure that you’re safe, with me.”

The cuffs clattered to the floor, Rolo staring up at Lelouch in shock. Lelouch was a prince and had no reason to offer him safety. Rolo would have been more surprised if Lelouch had just said that he valued Rolo for the weapon that he could be. But it was a genuine offer of a place to be, a place to belong, something he hadn’t had since Wall Maria had fallen. When Léandre had still be alive, it had almost been like home, but his brother had been too busy living out his life’s dream to notice how much Rolo wanted to leave. This was something different, something more like the day that he had been found by Giles and Léandre Haliburton, while Léandre had held out his hand and invited an orphan into their home.

“Yes!”

Lelouch smiled at him, Rolo feeling his heart beat faster at the sign of approval. He almost laughed when Lelouch rested a hand on his head again, ruffling his hair.

“Thank you, Rolo.”


	12. Chapter 12

Milly had always known what her future was going to be, but she had spent most of her life trying to avoid that end.

For the first six years of her life she had lived in Pendragon, close to the royal palace and with the rest of society. Even when her mother and father took her to the country, or just close to Wall Sina during the summers when there were rumors of plague, it was always with the right society. There had been no way that she could have avoided the knowledge of what she would have to do for her family. She had listened into the conversations that the adults had, ignoring her mother’s quiet hints that she would have more fun elsewhere. So she had heard that her mother wasn’t planning to have another child, not after how difficult Milly’s birth had been. She had heard that her mother was getting used to being married to Frans Ashford and that she might be finally falling in love with her husband.

She had always known that her mother and father would pick out a husband for her, and that they would have to be married. Of course, her mother and father would try to make the transition as easy as they could. They would try to get the two of them together as soon as possible and in some sort of friendship before Milly was married. It was a fact of her life that Milly had long since adjusted to, which was the reason why she spent most of her time trying to avoid that end. It was more fun that way.

Besides, it was more fun to organize the other children into playing Knights of the Round, pretending to be the brave soldiers who had held the last gate while humanity had run behind the walls. They never cared that there had only been twelve originally or that all of the Rounds had died for the sake of humanity, it was a fun game that they all had a stake in. All of them had an ancestor that had been in the Rounds or at least distantly related to one of the Rounds. Because of her grandfather’s stories, Milly knew that her many times over great grandmother had been friends with most of the Rounds and had helped start the Military Police, so Milly would always be leading the charge as Parker Ashford. Being Parker Ashford was always better than being Milly Ashford, especially after she turned ten.

Milly had never bothered to pay attention to the reason why their family had fallen out of favor, she hadn’t even been in Pendragon when it had happened. She had been sent to her grandfather’s school in the district of Berelles when things had gotten bad. And she had remained ignorant purposefully, because she couldn’t help where she was nor did she want to. If things got bad enough, then maybe she could chose her own future instead of being married off to a man that she barely knew.

She just knew the barest of details, that her family had supported one of Emperor Charles’ wives, Lady Marianne and that Marianne had died. How the disfavor of the emperor had fallen on them just for doing that escaped Milly. There were other factors that she was less aware of, like how Marianne had actually died or what her parents had demanded from the emperor. All she knew was that her parents had sold the house in Pendragon and had moved to one of the cities on Wall Sina. Her mother had offered her an invitation to join them in Stohess, but Milly had turned it down. She had been enjoying her time at Ashford Academy far too much.

At her grandfather’s school, she ruled the roost, much like the times when the Ashford family had still been in favor and no one questioned her about it. That was far better than being stuck in Stohess with the new plans that her parents were making.

But even the distance between Stohess and Berelles was not enough for Milly to keep her little fantasy intact.

Letters came from her mother nearly constantly with lists of eligible young men that she wanted Milly to meet. They were different from the lists before, with men of any age now that her family was trying to gain back the favor that they had lost.

Milly tended to ignore the letters, which didn’t work either because her grandfather was in on the scheme. According to him, it was her duty to the family, just like Parker Ashford’s duty had been to the state. Milly didn’t appreciate the comparison, but she couldn’t argue with three members of her family. Nor could she remain in school forever, no matter how much she wanted to. Her grandfather would eventually push her out, no matter how many times that he swore that it would always be her home.

She was sure that she would always be welcomed at the school or their new home in Stohess, there was no question about that. The question was if she would be willing to go against her mother and father on this issue, the one thing that they had never budged on before.

* * *

Milly was fifteen when Wall Maria fell. She remembered hearing the news and being frightened, but everyone behind Sina believed that they were safe. Not even when the area between Wall Maria and Wall Rose had been abandoned caused them to panic. They complained about the refugees and about how useless the Scouting Legion was, just as they always had. The school was shut down for a few days, the children more frightened by the threat of titans than the adults. But, after the first few days, things returned to normal. After all, Wall Rose wasn’t going to fall and they had the Military Police to protect them. Nothing was going to disturb their peace.

The fall of the wall didn’t stop the letters either. If anything, it made them come more frequently and with more names from the military. Milly assumed that it was her mother’s way of wanting her to be safe. If she was married to someone from the Military Police, she would get to return to Pendragon and be as far behind the walls as she could be, far away from the refugees and far away from the titans.

It was the reason she found herself walking around Berelles with Oscar Hamel. According to her mother’s letters, the young man was an upcoming member of the Military Police. Currently, he was vice captain of a squad in Pendragon but he was a rising star and a favorite of Captain Guilford. If Princess Cornelia’s favorite praised him, then it could mean only good things, for the both of them if they were married.

None of that made it easier for Milly to look at him or even strike up a conversation. There was nothing to talk about, she was a student in school and he was a member of the Military Police.

She shuffled along the trail through the forest, feeling awkward in the long dress that her grandfather had bought for her for her last birthday, the one that she had never worn. It was too frilly and too fancy for something as simple as a walk, and made her feel too much like some of the girls in the school who dressed up for classes every day, especially since Oscar was in his military uniform. For all she knew, her family had encouraged him to come out to Berelles on one of his days off. And all she could do was stare at the ground and wish that she was elsewhere.

To her left, Oscar cleared his throat, Milly only then realizing that she had walked past him when he had stopped. She winced and turned around, trying to figure out something to say, even if it was something to drive him away. With suitors, she was never able to be the Milly Ashford that most of the people at the school knew, because she was too busy dreading what would happen if they actually liked her. Unable to come up with anything, she dropped her gaze to the ground again.

“I wish this school had been open before I joined the military. I might have had more fun.” She felt his gaze on her, Milly just nodding.

After a moment, she managed to get a question out. “Would you have joined?”

“Very probably. It might have been a fight, but I would have done it.” He sighed and looked down at his jacket. “I would have joined the military eventually, but it would have been nice for a while.”

“But you still would have gone into the military?”

“Yes.” Oscar turned to face her. “It suits me, don’t you think?”

Milly glanced at his uniform, wanting to just shrug. She didn’t know him well enough. What she knew was from her mother’s letters, which were become less about the men that she knew. Suddenly, her mother’s promise to make sure that it was someone that she knew didn’t look so solid any more.

She hid her shaking hands in her skirts, taking a deep breath. Maybe it was good that she hardly knew him, because she couldn’t talk to her friends about her predicament, because they all enjoyed the idea of having their futures set and secure. They enjoyed knowing that everything was already planned out while Milly just wanted that uncertainty.

“Did you join the military for your family?”

Her question startled a laugh out of him. “No. They didn’t want me to join at all.”

“Then why?”

“For me.” Oscar flinched and turned to look at her. “That makes it sound bad. I wanted to do something with my life, not just sit around in my family’s house or run my father’s business. So it was for me, but I wanted something for other people to.”

“That still sounds selfish.”

“Isn’t that every decision that we make?” Oscar shrugged, and looked back at her. “You can try to make up for that in a way, but it’ll never be completely selfless. I’ve resigned myself to that. And I’ve yet to meet someone who has acted only for others.”

Milly stared at him, trying to combine the image of the carefully officer and the man that was speaking to her. She wasn’t blind to the fact that the Military Police was corrupt, nor did she believe that everyone in the Military Police was like that. But she had never thought that anyone would fall in the middle of the two extremes. Beyond that, what he said made sense.

She smiled at him, relieved when Oscar gave her a tentative smile back. She was surprised when he took her hand, reverently kissing the back of it before he stepped away. “I have to get back to Pendragon, but it was wonderful to meet you. I don’t suppose that we’ll meet like this again.”

Milly shook her head, amused that he had been able to read her so easily. “No. But we’ll see each other around.”

“I look forward to it.” Oscar bowed over her hand before stepping away.

He walked away, Milly staring after him. Of all the places she had looked for permission from, she had never thought it would come from one of her suitors. She wiped her palms on her skirt, the motion soothing her. It would take more planning than her split second decision, but at least it was a goal.

She smiled to herself, picking up her skirts and running after Oscar. Their little meeting might have been over, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t be polite. No matter what she did, she was still an Ashford.

Milly caught up to Oscar, taking his arm with a grin. “Let me see you out.”

* * *

Joining the military hadn’t been Milly’s first idea, but it had been the one that she had eventually settled on because her parents wouldn’t be able to pull her away. Not even the emperor himself could remove someone from the military, which meant that she was safe. At least on one front.

The training was hard, harder than Milly had thought it would be. She had thought she had been in great shape from running around the Ashford Academy campus, but she was wrong. The physical training had just proved how much she was just another spoiled child from Sina. There were a few others in their class that were from the inner walls, but they all dropped out within the first month, but Milly stayed on just to prove all of their instructors wrong.

She might have been from Sina and she might have been spoiled, but that didn’t mean that she was going to just give up.

Besides, she was good at the 3D Maneuver Gear. It was all balance, something that she had been trained in for her entire life. After all, a good lady of Sina had to have a certain amount poise. Actually using the gear took some time to adjust, but it was easy enough, like dancing. There was a rhythm to it that was easy enough to settle into once she found it. She was far from the head of her class, but it was enough to keep her alive and Milly would settle for that. There was always room for improvement.

And then there were the friends she was making, the friends that she felt closer to than the girls that she had grown up and attended school with. These were people that she could trust with her life, and people that Milly intended to keep close for more reasons than to just keep herself alive. There were people here that she felt closer to, wanted to keep around.

It definitely wasn’t the adventures of Parker Ashford that she had imagined or been told, nothing about those stories mentioned the blisters, the mud or the ache in all of her muscles that would come at the end of the day. But it was better than all of those stories, because Parker was just a fantasy for her. What she was doing in the military was real and her own choice.

* * *

Milly stumbled as she landed back on the wall, panting for breath as she looked back over her shoulder at Trost. She could see the dust and smoke still rising from the gate of the city. She hadn’t been towards the front of the city when the boulder had been pushed into place, but she had seen the plume of colored smoke that had signaled the success of the mission. And she had used that chance to get to the wall. Most of the titans were either at the front of the city or back by the wall, trying to get to the people that dangled off the side. The far sides of the wall were mostly clear, and were the route that most of the people were taking to get out.

She sighed, reaching down to tap at the gas canisters by her side. There were standing orders to finish off the titans where they could, but she was nearly out of gas and down to one blade. She would resupply and then wait for further orders. With the Scouting Legion in the city, Milly doubted that they would be sending the recruits that had been fighting all day to finish off the titans, not when there were other ways that wouldn’t lead to the loss of more lives. No matter what the order was, she was desperate for a moment of rest. Milly wanted a chance to be able to wash her hands and maybe dump some water over her head. The titan blood might have dissolved away, but she wanted to wash some of her sweat off her and begin to chip away at the smell of death. It was only a small thing, but it would make her feel better.

She reached up to readjust the straps along her chest, shifting them away from the blisters that were forming after a long day of combat. Even with her training, Trost was something that she had been completely unprepared for. All she wanted to do was curl up in her bunk and sleep until someone shook her awake again, but she would have to wait for orders.

The sound of someone running towards her made her turn around, Milly’s hand dropping to her sword. The reaction didn’t make any sense, considering that there was no way that a titan could get up onto the wall. But she had been on edge for so long that her first reaction was just to reach for her weapon, it was what had been keeping her alive thus far.

“Milly!” She relaxed as she recognized the person running at her, Milly raising a hand in a lazy wave.

Rivalz didn’t return the favor, barreling into her instead. She winced as one of his blade cases knocked against her leg, but she didn’t let the brief pain stop her. She hadn’t seen any of her friends from training since they had been deployed in Trost, all on separate squads.

Milly wrapped her arms around Rivalz, clinging to him. She felt him pawing at her back, trying to get a good hold on her. His hands finally grasped the straps on her back, Rivalz pressing his face against her shoulder. Milly couldn’t hear what he was saying, it sounded like just babbling, but she agreed with the sentiment. She was glad to see that he was alive, glad to have one of her friends close. Glad to have another human so close to her after being around nothing but titans and danger. She pressed the side of her head against Rivalz’s, sighing with relief. “It’s good to see you too.”

He pulled back from her, but he didn’t let go of her arm and Milly was loathe to tell him to. All she did was tug gently at his sleeve to get her to follow her along the wall. Even if they were alive they still had to report in and find the others. But he didn’t have to stray from her side to do that. Rivalz seemed to appreciate the gesture.

“I kept thinking that you’d get eaten, that I’d see you or Shirley down in the city. Nina is freaking out too, but she’s on the relief team now.” Rivalz took a deep breath, pushing on. “I haven’t seen the others since we climbed the walls. And I haven’t seen Rolo since they took him over again. There’s a rumor that he’s in custody at the moment.”

Milly didn’t question how Rivalz had gotten the information, hanging onto his every word. It was the only news that she had gotten of her friends since they had briefly regrouped. She squeezed his arm when he took a ragged breath, permission for him to stop if he wanted to. She was there and wouldn’t be going anywhere in the meantime. They would have plenty of time to talk after everything was finished. In the meantime, they needed to get back to the others before they both collapsed in exhaustion.

He squeezed back, shifting his grip so he was only holding cloth and was trailing after her like a lost duck. The comparison made Milly want to flinch away from him, considering what it meant.

She was going into the Recon Corps, there was no question in her mind about that. The letters from her mother had not stopped since she had joined the military, all still filled with men that would help bring the Ashford family back into favor or some sort of status. All of them could be easily accessed by joining the Military Police, and she could have done it. She was in the top ten of her class, she had the connections in Pendragon to get her a good position. But going back would be bowing to what her family wanted, to that future that was already written out to her. And it would be giving up everything she had spent three years working for. She would go into the Military Police, get married and then be slotted back into whatever place was available for her. The Scouting Legion was the other extreme, but the only one that Milly was sure about.

Besides, the Scouting Legion was part of that adventure that she was still chasing, even after having her fantasy viciously stripped from her, it was still a kind of adventure. Still a part of something she desperately wanted to chase after, because she never felt more alive than when she was flying through the air on her gear.

But, if she went into the Scouting Legion, Rivalz would follow. Milly was well aware of what Rivalz felt for her, she would have to be blind not to see it. And she was flattered, slightly intrigued and would probably follow up on it later, but she was too busy enjoying what she could do on her own. But she didn’t want to lead her friend into danger just because he felt the need to stick close to her. She had watched plenty of people die in Trost, members of the Stationary Guard and members of her trainee class. She hadn’t had to watch her friends die, but that time was coming soon and she wanted to put it off as long as possible. If Rivalz was intent on following her into the Scouting Legion,  then she would also have to deal with the fact that she had been responsible for his death.

Milly gripped his arm more tightly, feeling Rivalz try to shy away. She corrected her hold a moment later, muttering an apology. Rivalz just waved it off, continuing to beam at her.

She dropped her gaze, preferring to walk quickly along the top of the wall. She didn’t feel like dealing with his optimism at the moment, not bogged down with exhaustion and the knowledge that she would probably have to go back to Trost the next day. The recruits might get the night off, but they would be doing the grunt work as soon as Trost was clear of titans. There were bodies to find and take care of and long days of work.

Milly looked up as Rivalz jerked away from her side, running down the wall to nearly tackle a red headed girl to the group. Milly thought she heard Shirley squeal at the impact, but the two of them managed to stay upright. She smiled at the sight, walking a bit faster to get to them. Off to one side, she could see Nina hovering by the canisters of extra gas, the girl giving her a little wave from her safe place. Milly returned the wave, turning her attention to her group of friends. Right now, they were the things that mattered the most. Everything else could be put off until later, something that Milly was exceedingly good at.


	13. Chapter 13

Jinae was not a large town or particularly famous for anything, but that was the way that Shirley liked it. It meant that her mother allowed her to run free in the town without a problem. Then again, everyone in the town knew the Fenette family. Everyone in Jinae knew everyone. And the small garrison of Stationary Guards meant that everyone felt safer to venture out, even if the guards spent most of their day doing small maintenance tasks on Wall Rose.

Usually there was a group of kids around the wall, watching the guards work on the wall, or just begging to be taken up on the 3DM gear. With nothing better to do, the soldiers would usually agree. The wall was in good shape, and a good many miles from Wall Maria and where the titans were gathered. To the best of Shirley’s knowledge, the Stationary Guard only carried out inspections and pronounced the wall safe before turning their attention to the children or heading back to Jinae. And the best of all of them was Joseph Fenette, the captain of the garrison.

But Shirley might have been biased.

To her, her father was the greatest hero that she had ever seen. He was out at the wall every day and stayed there until the inspection was completed and the list of chores was done. The other members of the Stationary Guard might have left, but Captain Fenette would stay on the walls until dark if he had to. He was brave, strong and exactly  what Shirley wanted to be when she grew up. When she was six, she had been convinced that she would marry him, because there was no one that she could love more. Of course, her father and mother were quick to disabuse her of that notion, but Shirley was still sure that she would marry a man just like her father, she would accept nothing less.

Until the time she found that man, Shirley was content to follow her father around on his daily tasks and learn the little tricks of the trade. And, when she got bored of that or when her mother called her back into town, Shirley would help out around the house. It was the kind of education that everyone in Jinae got, a mix of military and home craft. She wasn’t particularly envious of the few boys who got to become apprentices, because it just seemed like getting stuck in one line of work. If she just walked into the shop and offered to help, she could learn the same thing and not get stuck in a single job.

The only breaks in the daily routine were the spring and mid winter celebrations, where the whole community would make food and gather around a bonfire to dance. Those were the times that Shirley enjoyed the best, because they were a day off of working, a day of just fun. And, sometimes, she could convince one of the younger Dreyer or Bodt boys to dance with her.

Those were the happy times in Jinae, the ones that Shirley wished could last forever and the ones that most definitely did not.

* * *

She was fifteen when her father died in a mining accident.

Joseph had been called off with a group of others from the garrison to the town of Hardales to help with an extraction of a gold vein. The town had wanted extra protection for the extraction and delivery to one of the factories in the area, but the gold was never recovered. Shirley had never found out if it was the fault of the miners or just a freak accident that the branch that her father had been in had collapsed. She always felt bad when she wanted to blame the miners, because many of them died in the mine collapse with her father. In any case, it didn’t matter what had caused the collapse because her father was dead and her mother was mourning for years afterward.

They were both so busy with the death of Joseph Fenette that they didn’t register the fall of Wall Maria until long after the refugees had come into Wall Rose. Long after the citizens of Jinae had shifted their way of life to allow for the refugees to come into the town. Long after the eldest Bodt boy joined the military.

Shirley just remembered realizing that Jinae was not the town of her childhood, that she suddenly didn’t know everyone in the town, that the children didn’t roam as freely anymore. That Jinae wasn’t quite as safe as it had been before.

With her mother spending most of her time in the graveyard talking to Joseph’s headstone, Shirley buried herself in the housework, trying to keep her hands busy so she wouldn’t have to think about everything that she had lost. Besides there were starving refugees to look after, the people from Wall Maria stumbling into the town looking so completely lost. With nothing she could do for herself, Shirley turned her attention to them, trying to ease their suffering and make them feel at home. After all, Jinae had always been everything that she had needed going up, she wanted to turn a little of that towards the refuges. The worst part of it was that it did nothing, they were still miserable and Shirley could do nothing to help because there was only so much that she could do.

It wasn’t like she could find jobs for everyone or help with the food shortage that was occurring in Wall Rose. And it wasn’t like Shirley could just give them back everything they had lost. The titans had taken over the land between Wall Maria and Wall Rose and it would take a miracle to get that land back.

Shirley put any plan of getting that land back out of her mind, at least until she found where her mother had stashed her father’s jacket.

* * *

Shirley tensed as the drill instructor rounded on her, resisting the urge to reach into her pocket where she had stuffed the patch from her father’s jacket. It would just get her mocked like the others who had gone before her. She swallowed and stared at the line ahead of her, trying not to make eye contact with the other trainees. She was already older than a few of them, from what she could see. Most of them were probably refugees from Wall Maria coming in to have a better life or get some little bit of revenge.

She was still not entirely sure why she had enlisted with the next group. Shirley just remembered not being able to get over the sight of her father’s jacket folded at the bottom of her mother’s chest and what it had meant to her as a child. And then there had been the need to do something for the refugees that had flooded into Jinae, because what she had been doing wasn’t enough. Although what she could do personally was still a mystery, but it hadn’t felt right to just fold up her father’s jacket and just forget about it.

The drill sergeant stepped in front of her, Shirley’s eyes snapping to the man’s face. The man treated her with a long look before stepping back. “And who are you?”

“Shirley Fenette from Jinae!”

“Fenette, eh.” She expected to be shouted at like the others, but the instructor just looked her over before nodding and walking away.

Shirley leaned out of her place in line, watching as the instructor made his way down the row, stopping in front of a boy. “And you?”

“Rivalz Cardemonde from Ruete.”

“What kind of name is Rivalz?”

“The one my mother gave me.”

Shirley leaned back into line, barely paying attention to the conversation going on further down. She made eye contact with the girl standing in front of her, the two of them exchanging shrugs before snapping back to attention when their instructor looked back at them. The man snorted and took a step back. “Row seven, about face!”

She turned on her heel, just like her father had showed her all those years ago at the base of the wall. Shirley stared at the people in front of her, noticing how some of the recruits were shifting nervously as the drill sergeant rounded the line, probably picking out the recruits that he was going to pick on next. Probably the ones that were shifting in place instead of holding the salute. Shirley looked away from them, finding herself staring at the person in front of her. She tried to give the kid a smile, only to have him look away and shift closer to the boy on his right. At a loss of what to do, she shifted her gaze to the cliffs that surrounded the training camp, waiting for the drill instructor to finish.

* * *

“Rolo!” Shirley jogged her way through the group towards him, sweeping him up into a hug before he had the chance to protest. She felt him tense against her before he slumped into her hold. She sighed and squeezed him tightly once before stepping away from him. She gave him a quick once over, checking for any kind of damage, although she wasn’t sure what she would be able to see.

If Rolo was a titan, which was something that she was still struggling to come to terms with, it meant that he was able to regenerate lost limbs or heal himself. There was no way that she would be able to tell if the Scouting Legion had been mistreating him. Then again, there was no reason that she could think of for them to abuse him, not after everything that they had been told at their graduation. Rolo was the weapon that they needed to push the titans out from Wall Maria. It didn’t make sense for them to cow him, especially when they had the support of the eleventh prince.

She barely kept herself from looking up at the castle that loomed above them, keeping her attention on Rolo. Shirley glanced down at him and smoothed her hands down his arms, just to reassure herself. “You alright?”

He gave a half hearted shrug, smiling slightly. It wasn’t reassurance, but at least it was something. Then again, Rolo had been alone with the Scouting Legion for a week, separated from the rest of them and put under a close watch. And all of this was just after Trost, just after he had lost his brother and didn’t know the fate of half of his class. As it was, he looked shocked that they were all there in the first place.

She patted his arm, hoping that the reassurance was enough to calm him down slightly. “It’s good to see you.”

“You guys too.” He fiddled with a strap on his gear, looking over all of them. “I didn’t expect you to be here. I thought that you would join the Stationary Guard.”

Shirley’s hand jerked up to the patch that was still in her pocket, the one she had been carefully to transfer to her new uniform. Of course Rolo had seen her looking at it during training, everyone had seen it. It hadn’t been a secret exactly, but only her close friends knew that it had been her father’s or the reason that she had joined the military. She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone, because she still wasn’t able to understand her reasoning completely, and it sounded far too idealistic, especially after three years of training.

She let her hand drop to her side, taking a step away to allow the others to come up. Rivalz immediately rushed Rolo, sweeping the boy up into another hug. Shirley reached out to tug him away from Rolo at the overwhelmed look on the boy’s face. “Rivalz.”

“I know. But it’s been hell for the past few days and it’s good to see one of our friends living. And it must be good for you to see someone who isn’t glaring at you.”

Rolo laughed nervously, wriggling away from Rivalz. He stumbled to one side, staring at all of them before ducking his head. “I…Did you find  Léandre?”

Milly was the one to nod, pushing through the group to rest a hand on Rolo’s shoulder. “They found his body and it was burned with the others. We were all there, and we watched it for you. I’m just sorry that you couldn’t be.”

“It’s alright. As long as someone was there for him. As long as he wasn’t alone. Léandre didn’t deserve to be alone.”

“And he wasn’t.” Shirley nudged up against him. “We made sure of that. And now we’re here to make sure that you aren’t alone.”

“No.”

“Yes.” Shirley reached out for him when Rolo tried to step away, missing his sleeve. She took a step back when he rounded on her, confused by how panicked he looked. Her first instinct was to step back and tell him to calm down because she didn’t’ know what would set him off. If Rolo turned into a titan now, Shirley wasn’t sure what would happen to him. Then again, he had probably spent the last week being treated like he was going to go off at any time. She didn’t try to reach for him again, crossing her arms over her chest. “It was our decision.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“We had our reasons.” Shirley hesitated, glancing over at Milly. It wasn’t her place to tell Rolo everyone’s reasons, not when she wasn’t too sure of them herself. It didn’t matter anyway, because Rolo should have been ready to accept their decisions for what they were. There was no turning back anyway, not at this point. She hardly thought that they would be allowed to back out, not after the speech that Commander Tohdoh had made. Everyone was desperate now, so they might as well help each other.

Rolo looked like he was about to argue some more, Shirley sighing and turning to Milly. Out of all of them, Milly was the one who knew how to hold them together. Sometimes, Shirley could instinctively figure out the right thing to say, but Milly was right most of the time. During training, Milly had been the one able to organize them into a team that worked far better than most people had expected. Back then Léandre had been with their team, but that didn’t matter. Milly was a master at making new plans on the fly.

Any future argument that was brewing was quickly dissolved when the eleventh prince walked out into the yard.

Rolo was quick to turn around, the rest of them snapping quickly into a salute. Lelouch didn’t seem to be too worried with the proper respect to his person. He just nodded at the bunch of them, actually smiling when he looked at Rolo.

Shirley jerked a little at the abrupt change from distant prince to Lelouch smiling, a little bit jealous that Rolo was the recipient of the smile. Anyone able to get that expression from Lelouch was obviously special.

Lelouch reached out and ruffled Rolo’s hair, the gesture looking strangely natural. They had known each other for just over a week, but Shirley was glad. It was a brotherly gesture, something that Rolo seemed to glow under.

After the loss of Léandre, maybe Rolo needed someone to watch over him, especially with the Scouting Legion watching Rolo carefully for signs that he would go on a rampage. There was only so much the rest of them would be able to do now, especially since Rolo had been deemed Humanity’s Last Hope, that was a whole different class from the rest of them. Shirley wished that she would be able to be around to watch over Rolo the entire time, but they would most likely be separated. And they would most likely end up dying, because that was the reality of the Survey Corps.

She reached up to run her fingers over the badge on her pocket, tracing out the shape of the badge that was resting underneath it. If she died, her mother would be devastated because that would be a husband and a daughter lost in such a short time; an entire family gone in the blink of an eye. But Shirley just couldn’t sit around and watch as more people were moved out of their homes, as more people went hungry just because soldiers were too scared to go out and face titans. The Scouting Legion was fighting all on their own, and they needed people strong enough to fight with them. All Shirley had to do was to be brave, like her father had been.

Shirley smoothed her fingers over the badge in her pocket, looking up as the rest of her classmates began moving past her on some order that had been given. She remained behind to give Rolo one last hug before running after them, joining the line waiting to get their cloaks.


	14. Chapter 14

Rivalz had barely known his father, but he didn’t actually care. His father had been a bit of a drunk and mostly useless. He and his mother were better off without the man. Rivalz couldn’t even bring himself to miss the man, considering that his father hadn’t really been a part of his life. It had been him and his mother for as long as he could remember. That was the equation that worked for them both, his father was an outlier that they had never needed. It was why he wasn’t surprised when he and his mother had moved back to Reute to live with his grandparents.

Life in Reute was more settled than his old life, the one that he actively tried to forget, because it hadn’t be worth remembering. In Reute, he could run free for as long as he wanted, as long as his mother didn’t notice. Apparently, it was his job to take care of his grandparents, even though Rivalz was sure that his grandparents were perfectly fine and just as happy to have him out. The children of Reute were more fun, much more than before. These children weren’t afraid to play or sneak away from the work that they were told to do.

His childhood in Ruete was the one that mattered, not anything else. His childhood was spent running through the sparse trees that had been planted towards one side. The plains and fields were just as fun, Rivalz spending hours playing hide and seek with the others or dodging while they played tag. And, as always, Wall Maria loomed in the distance. It was too far to reach, too far to really think about. It didn’t matter that they could only see the wall on really clear days, because it didn’t matter.

At least until it suddenly did.

Reute wasn’t one of the first villages that the titans reached, so there had been time for a message to get to them, but it didn’t matter because no one had believed the messenger. It wasn’t until the first titans had been spotted that the panic had started, and by then it would be far too late.

As always, it had been his mother that had organized their escape, bundling food into bags with some spare clothes before loading him down and commanding him to watch over his grandparents. It had been the one time that he had listened to her from the start, mostly because he had been scared out of his wits. Rivalz had just grabbed onto his grandfather’s hand and ran for the outskirts of Reute, towards where the trees were. He had just been thinking to get above the ground, out of the reach of the titans. Apparently that hadn’t been the right reaction, because they had been directed toward and escape route and a safe zone. He had been skeptical but had followed the directions of the Stationary Guard just long enough to see his grandparents to safety before trying to turn back for his mother. But he hadn’t needed to worry, because his mother had slogged through the mess of people with a child on each hip.

The first thing she had done was to hug him close for a long while, only pulling away when the soldiers had said that they needed to move. She had kissed his forehead, just like she had when he was little, and asked him to look after his grandparents while they were on the move.

He hadn’t tried to get out of his duty, not as they walked to Wall Rose. Not as they went through Trost. Not when they settled down in Braudel. Not even when things returned to normal. Because he had seen the titans converging on his home, he had seen people get eaten, and there was no changing that. Sticking close to his family was the only thing that kept him calm, because then he could run with them when the time came again. If the titan came back and kicked in Wall Rose he wanted to be ready, to not panic or lose any one.

That was why he joined the military, fully intending to join the Stationary Guard. That way, he would have a way to get his family to safety, to defend them. Of course, Rivalz was perfectly aware that his mother could handle the defense of their family, but he wanted to be able to help more. Because he never wanted to feel that kind of panic again.

* * *

Rivalz hunched over his bowl of stew, eyeing the other recruits carefully. He had heard rumors that he would have to watch his rations carefully because there were always people willing to steal food. Their instructors hadn’t helped, a few of them telling what sounded like horror stories of a fellow trainee who had always been able to sneak into the kitchens or how she would always be able to steal their food, no matter how they tried to protect it. Rivalz had no intention of losing his dinner because he was distracted.

He spooned some stew into his mouth, trying not to wince at the taste. It wasn’t like the food from his home and absolutely had nothing on his grandmother’s stews, but it would be good enough. The stew wasn’t cold and it was filling enough, if spiced differently. Better yet, it was more than he had been getting since his family had been relocated to Wall Rose. With the food shortage still going on, it was good to have a guaranteed source of food, even if he felt guilty. In the military he would be getting a steady supply of food while his mother and grandparents were still struggling in Braudel. Still, the exchange would be worth it, because the status and salary that he would get from the military would help them in the end as well.

His spoon scraped against the bottom of the bowl, Rivalz sighing and sitting back. He dabbed his bread into the last bits of the soup, looking around the room at his fellow trainees. Now that he wasn’t worried that his food would be stolen right from under his nose, he wanted to see who he would be spending the next three years with. Rivalz hadn’t gotten the chance to look at most of them, too busy waiting for his turn to get yelled at by the drill sergeant. He had gotten a glimpse of a few of them and some names that he couldn’t put to faces, but that was so little compared to the hundred or so recruits that were sitting in the dining hall.

Rivalz pushed back in his seat, gnawing on the end of his bread. Everyone was grouped already, sticking close to the people that they had arrived with or the people from their hometown. From what he had heard, most of the recruits were from refugees from Wall Maria, which made sense. Most of them were just as desperate for a good meal or a way to help their families along.

He drummed the fingers of his free hand against the table, stopping when a girl down the bench leaned forward and glared at him. Rivalz gave her an apologetic smile and looked down at the table.

As it was, he was sitting with the loose ends. No one that he knew of had come from Braudel or even from Reute, which meant that he was drifting until he could make friends. That in itself wouldn’t be too hard, moving to Ruete or from Ruete to Braudel had gotten him used to quickly making friends, but he would just have to break through the apprehensive awkwardness that surrounded all of them. And that would take days or one equally awkward failure on his part. Either way, Rivalz was willing to break the ice, especially since no one else was willing to do it.

The tolling of the bell made him look up, Rivalz stuffing the last of the bread in his mouth as the other recruits got up. With dinner over, there was nothing left to do but crawl into his bunk and sleep until they were woken up by the bell or the instructor’s shouting.

He sighed and shuffled towards the door, stopping to allow the girl who had glared at him past. It was his way of apologizing for annoying her earlier. Until he knew the people in his class better, Rivalz didn’t want to annoy them just yet. He was rewarded with a small smile before the girl scurried away, Rivalz looking up to join the flow of trainees out into the dark. Or he meant to, but he was distracted as a blonde girl walked past him, chatting with a bunch of others.

Rivalz was sure that his mouth dropped open as she walked past, trying to snap his jaw shut so he wouldn’t look like an idiot. He dropped his gaze to the ground as she walked past, tensing when he felt her gaze on him. Rivalz was sure that he was blushing, and that made him nervous enough to open up his stupid mouth again.

He took a step forward, reaching out just far enough to tap her shoulder. He jerked his hand back as soon as he touched her, stumbling back a step as the girl turned towards him.

For a moment, she looked surprised, but then her smile returned. “Hello.”

“Hi.”

Rivalz jerked back as she stuck her hand out, encouraged to take it when the girl nodded. It wasn’t until he shook her hand that the girl spoke again. “I’m Milly Ashford.”

“Rivalz Cardemonde.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, that Rivalz. Alright.” She went to walk away, pausing to look at him over her shoulder. “I like your name.”

“I like your hair. It’s pretty.”

Rivalz didn’t know why he blurted the words out, aside from the fact that he felt like he should return the complement. He didn’t actually care if people made fun of his name, he would readily admit that it was pretty weird itself. But it was still a relief that someone wasn’t just going to immediately make fun of it. But to return with a compliment of her hair was incredibly stupid. Of all the things he could have complimented her on, like the smile that she had given him or the sound of her laughter, he had chosen her hair. It was probably the dumbest thing he had done, and all he could do was smile like an idiot as Milly blushed and walked away quickly. And he could only stand there as she did so.

It wasn’t until she was completely gone from his sight that Rivalz managed to get himself together and jog after her.

He caught himself against the railing of the dining hall, leaning over it to stare after her as she went back to the girls dorm with her friends. Rivalz sighed and slumped against the railing, wanting to knock his head against it. His first day with his class and he had already messed up so badly. It would probably take forever to get her to talk to him now, just to make up for his own idiocy. That was something he would have to work on, keeping his mouth shut so he didn’t embarrass himself further.

* * *

He had started shaking even before Commander Tohdoh had finished giving his recruitment speech. Rivalz was trying his best to keep his eyes from straying over to where the Stationary Guard would gather, desperately wanting to just run over there and make sure that he was safe. He had a family waiting for him, probably waiting for word of him. The news of Trost probably had spread by now, and the news of the dead would be following quickly on its heels. Rivalz closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to keep his family waiting, because the suspense would be sure to kill his grandparents. They were all they had left after all. And he had no intention of leaving them behind so soon.

Commander Tohdoh saluted them as he dismissed them, Rivalz relaxing from his tensed posture. He had listened to the recruitment speech, and that was all that could be asked of him. He had fought in Trost, faced titans that no recruit should have had to face and he had been scared out of his wits. But he had fought because those had been his orders, and because he had known what it had felt like to have titans charging at him. And he wasn’t going to just let titans chase more people out of their home, because he had suffer the same safe as he had suffered. Humanity couldn’t withstand another disaster like the fall of Wall Maria. He had done his time, and now he wanted out.

Still, he waited until the first of the recruits had turned away, because he was still afraid of being a coward. Rivalz held his breath, only breathing out when one of the people next to him stepped away. The recruit turned on her heel and walked away, three others following her quickly. The rush came after, many of the recruits turning and walking as quickly as they could to the other branches. Even Shin was quick to turn away, walking towards the Military Police. After one of the top three left, Rivalz felt safe to leave to.

He turned on his heel, about to leave when he noticed that Shirley was standing steadily to his left. Rivalz stared at her before reaching out to tug gently on her sleeve. “Hey, we can go now.”

“No.”

“No one will think badly of you if you leave. Shin already has.”

That got Shirley to glance over her shoulder towards where Shin was leaving. He thought that it would be enough to get her to move, but Shirley just shook her head again, staring up at the stage. “I can’t Rivalz. Not with Léandre dead and Rolo with the Scouting Legion. Someone has to look after him.”

“It doesn’t have to be you?”

“Then who else will it be? We were with him for three years, we were his  _friends_. Léandre would have wanted us to keep an eye on his little brother.”

“You’re going to die!”

“The Stationary Guard wouldn’t be much safer.” Rivalz froze when Milly turned to look at him, still in a salute. “Not with the Colossal and Armored Titan out there. It’s only a matter of time before they attack again.”

“Waiting is better than just throwing yourself to your death.”

“Some people might not think that.”

Rivalz snorted, taking a step back. He glanced around at the others, surprised to see that most of his friends from the 104th were staying in place. He wasn’t surprised that Leila was remaining behind, because she had always talked about wanting to make a difference in the fight against the titans. And, where Leila went, Akito wasn’t far behind. Nina wasn’t a surprise either, because everyone had heard about how the Scouting Legion took in the crazy ones, the ones that wanted to study the titans instead of fight them. But everyone else…

“Milly, you were in the top ten. You’re from  _Sina_.”

“That doesn’t matter.” She sighed and turned away from him again. “I have my reasons for doing this Rivalz.”

“Is it for Rolo too?”

She didn’t answer for a moment, Rivalz about to call her out if she tried to bluff. But then Milly nodded, not even looking back at him. “Yes. It’s for Rolo.”

A tug on his sleeve from his attention to Shirley again, the girl smiling at him. “No one will hate you for not sticking with us, Rivalz. Life is too short for any regrets.”

“Don’t say that! I’ll regret not joining up with you when I hear that you were dead. I’ll regret not being there to save you. I’ll have more regrets if I do what I want!” Rivalz pulled his arm away from her, briefly tempted to just walk away and let her deal with that revelation. But he couldn’t, because they were his friends, the closest ones that he had ever had in his life. These were the people who he trusted not to let him die, and leaving them would be letting them down, because he was supposed to be watching their backs as well.

Rivalz glanced back to where the Stationary Guard was gathering, swallowing harshly. He was going to hate himself for what he was going to do, but he wouldn’t have any regrets this way. Shirley was right, life was far too short for that.

He turned to face forward, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the rest of the recruits leaving or the expression on his friend’s faces when they realized that he was staying.


	15. Chapter 15

“Lance Corporal, should we-”

“No.” The word came out more harshly than Suzaku intended. He flinched and turned to look at the two that he had brought with him, making a point not to spend too much time on C.C. He clenched his hands into fists, noting the way that she raised an eyebrow before he looked away. Suzaku turned his attention to the new recruit that he had brought along with him, pointedly trying to look relaxed. “You should get back to the Commander. He’ll be looking for me.”

The recruit swallowed and took a step back. “What should I tell him, sir?”

“Tell him that I went after a traitor and to not come after me.” Suzaku didn’t think that it would keep Tohdoh away from him, but the delay would buy him enough time to figure out what the hell was going on.

The last thing that he had expected was to have C.C. show up at the villa after nearly a year of silence from her. Officially, she had deserted a week after the attempted kidnapping of Rolo Haliburton. Suzaku hadn’t even seen her leave, he was too wrapped up in helping Euphemia calm the panic that had followed the breach of Wall Rose. Then there had been the string of murders within the Wall Cult, Stadtfeld and Makal families that had kept the Military Police busy and had bought someone enough time to cover up what Shin had been doing while in the Military Police, as well as any records that had been left behind by Alice and Sancia.

At least Lelouch had been declared a traitor, which was the only thing that settled Suzaku. Of course, it meant that the Scouting Legion was under close watch by Cornelia and her elite members of the Military Police, but he didn’t care. There was nothing really for him to do now, not since his command had been taken from him. Tohddoh had told him it was because he wanted to give Suzaku the chance to make a full recovery, but his ankle had healed months ago and a squad had yet to be assigned to him. Kallen was leading his own squad, supplemented by the remains of the 104th. Their official task was to guard Rolo while they tried to pull secrets from Leila and Kallen’s families. Suzaku was just left to stand by Princess Euphemia’s side and try to help earn the public’s confidence in the Scouting Legion back.

Suzaku had lost count of how many short forays outside Wall Rose he had made, always focusing on the task in front of him. People were brought up onto the wall to watch as he cut his way through the titans that were bound to be close to the walls. Suzaku honestly didn’t remember much of those missions, he just knew that he would line up his first kill and then everything got a bit blurry, like he was dreaming. He would wake up and there would be dead titans, and he would be up on the wall with people cheering for him.

It had to be something to do with what Lelouch had done to him, the thing C.C. had never explained. She had just followed him to the wall and disappeared.

He wished that he had brought his equipment with him, he had the urge to cut C.C. to little pieces for leaving like that, without any explanation. But getting what he had needed would have taken too much time and would have required an explanation. As it was, he had managed to just have a single recruit trail after him because they were worried about him. Like Suzaku couldn’t handle one deserter on his own. Even if he couldn’t, he would still manage to get something that he wanted. He would finally get to die.

Suzaku took a deep breath, trying to fight back the familiar light headed feeling. He didn’t need whatever it was triggering, he needed to be clearheaded. Suzaku took another deep breath before crossing his arms over his chest. “You promised me an explanation.”

C.C. shrugged. “I had to go find one.”

“I thought you were part of dangerous organizations that knew this kind of thing.”

“ _Were_  is the important word there.” She shrugged and stepped towards the cabin that she had led them to. “It’s harder to sneak in these days, even for me. Everything took a bit longer than expected.”

“A year longer.”

C.C. snorted. “Are you still angry? A year later? I thought that it would give you time to breathe and come to terms with everything.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Ah, that explains everything.”

She walked away before Suzaku could demand a better explanation, disappearing into the house. He glared at the door, tempted to walk away and catch up to the recruit. It would be easy enough to rescind his order and return to the villa. Euphemia probably had work for him to do if Tohdoh was still insisting on ignoring him. Kallen and the others would have something to do for him for sure. They were constantly training or looking through documents that they had managed to get. And finding them would be a challenge in itself, considering how many times they had moved over the past year.

But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not after C.C. had just showed up lounging on his bed and smirking. She had promised a better explanation for everything, something that would make all of this mess make sense. Suzaku had his doubts, but he was willing to do anything to move forward.

He was tired of being the corps’ show pony. Tired of being under constant surveillance. Tired of having Tohdoh and Chiba stare at him like they expected him to fracture at any minute. Tired of the guilt that came when he spent entire days with Euphemia. Tired of not being able to choose between Euphemia and a traitor that he should have given up on months ago.

Suzaku cursed under his breath and strode towards the house. He threw the door open, about to demand that C.C. start talking fast when he saw who was sitting in the one room cabin.

Lelouch gave him a calm nod, looking for all the world like nothing was wrong.

Suzaku snapped.

He didn’t realize that he had crossed the room until he was punching Lelouch in the face. Suzaku thought he heard a shout from C.C, but he was too busy following the backward motion of Lelouch and the chair. The latter was kicked out of the way, Suzaku pinning Lelouch to the floor with one hand around the prince’s neck. He thought he heard Lelouch choke out something that sounded like his name, but he was too far gone to care. He flung one leg over Lelouch, sitting down heavily on the prince’s stomach. The gasp that Lelouch gave was satisfying, but not satisfying enough. Suzaku leaned over him, watching as Lelouch focused on him again.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Suzaku was careful to keep his voice level, almost surprised at how easy it was to stay calm.

Lelouch clawed at the hand around his throat, Suzaku considering the action before letting up the pressure a bit. He didn’t want Lelouch dead, not just yet. He wanted to know what had happened, what had made Lelouch change his mind and run.

He was hauled to his feet by C.C. before Lelouch had the chance to speak. Suzaku glanced back at her, surprised that she could lift him from Lelouch. He stillness lasted for too long, because she dropped him in another chair, pulling out a knife when he tried to sit up. His eyes unfocused as he looked at her, Suzaku jumping when C.C. began to tip his chair backwards. “Don’t. I know the signs for that, and you’re not going to pull that on me. Sit and listen.”

Suzaku opened his mouth to ask what she meant when she rocked his chair forward again. He grimaced at the thump the legs of the chair made when they made contact with the ground.

The scrape of wood across the floor made him look away from C.C, Suzaku watching as Lelouch climbed back to his feet, moving very slowly. The prince grimaced and rubbed his throat, glaring at C.C. “I thought you said you would smooth it out with him.”

The knife moved away from him, disappearing entirely when C.C. turned to face Lelouch. “I didn’t want to miss you trying to explain everything to him. Besides, what makes you think that he’d listen to me? I’m just a lowly soldier, and a deserter at that.  _You_  outrank him in every way that matters.”

“Not anymore.” Lelouch sighed, sitting back down in his chair. “I don’t count anymore, do I?”

Suzaku looked away, crossing his arms again. It was easier to focus on C.C. than Lelouch. “You told me you had answers. Tell me.”

“I said I had an explanation.” C.C. sighed and leaned against the table. “But Lelouch would do a better job if you listened to him.”

“Why should I?”

“Because I’m the one that was actually there.” He looked back over at Lelouch, watching as the prince resettled his appearance. Once, that attention to detail would have made Suzaku smile fondly or laugh. Now, it just made him want to punch Lelouch again, mostly because he couldn’t punch himself. He had no reason to still like Lelouch. He was a traitor to their cause, he had controlled them all for his own gain before running away with the enemy. Suzaku could never forgive that.

Lelouch looked up from him primping, sighing dramatically and rolling his eyes. “Stop glaring at me like I’m the cause of all of your problems, Suzaku. It won’t help.”

“You are the cause of my problems. Everything that happened in the past year has been your fault.”

“Really? Then I should apologize.” Lelouch smirked, the very expression that Suzaku hated the most. It was the same smirk that Lelouch had been wearing in the courtroom when he had won Rolo from the Military Police. “I’m sorry about all of those deaths then. Do you want more? Do you want me to start apologizing for each person?”

“No. You wouldn’t mean it.”

Lelouch nodded slightly. “Of course, because it wasn’t my fault. You aren’t the only person being used like a chess piece in this.”

Suzaku wanted to shout a reminder that people weren’t just pieces on a board when he realized what Lelouch said. Before, Lelouch had categorized himself as the king on the board, never as one of the pieces. His ego had never allowed him to. Suzaku swallowed and sat back. “What do you mean?”

“There’s a bigger game being played here, one that’s going on above our heads.” Lelouch made a gesture at the space in front of them, just like he would when he was playing chess back at Aries Villa. It was to draw attention to the board and the way that the pieces were laid out and a subtle order to remain silent and pay attention. Suzaku found himself leaning forward, his focus on Lelouch instead of the invisible board that Lelouch seemed to be referring to.

His attention got a slight smile from Lelouch, the prince crossing his legs and leaning back. “It’s a match between two kings, and we only get to see one side of it. Of course, it makes sense that we know our side. My father is fighting against the enemy we don’t see with the military as his pawns and knights, the Wall Cult as his bishops, and his own family as rooks. The queen, unfortunately, was removed from play very early on.”

Marianne. Suzaku shook his head, ignoring that train of thought in favor of pushing on. “I know what the other side is.”

“No. You know what they allow you to see. You’ve seen the pawns and knights, nothing else. You’ve only seen the titans and the shifters. The king is so hidden that I didn’t get a chance to see him. His guards are the rooks and bishops. And his queen,” Lelouch shot a look over at C.C, “she’s missing for the moment.”

Suzaku glanced over at C.C, watching as she swung her legs from the table. There were more questions there, but he was sure that he would have to rely on C.C. for the answers, something that he wouldn’t be doing again. Instead, he focused on the one thing that had caught his attention as Lelouch had spoken. “What do you mean, you didn’t get a chance to see him?”

Lelouch took a deep breath and scooted his chair forward. It was a show of trust, one that made Suzaku want to demand that Lelouch get back. Lelouch was trying to reset things to the way that they had been between them, which would never happen. They weren’t talking at Lelouch and Suzkau or strategist and soldier. It was an interrogation of a criminal, no matter how it looked.

He didn’t have the time to remind Lelouch of their situation, Lelouch holding up a hand to keep him silent. “Listen for now, because we both know we don’t have a lot of time. That recruit that tailed you will tell Commander Tohdoh and he will come running after you. The recruit might not have known C.C, but Tohdoh does. So, let me talk and I’ll leave you to think. Then, you’ll make your decision. Can you do that?”

Suzaku had enough time to nod before Lelouch began speaking again. “The emperor has been lying to us. Not just my father, but all the emperors before him. All the way back to the Rounds and the first walls. You must have heard the stories, even if you came from Fujinomiya. The twelve first Rounds held their ground against the advancing monsters while the emperor’s trusted advisor made the walls out of the bones of giants. It’s a legend so no one pays attention to it, but it’s the truth. There are titans in the walls because there were titans helping us from the start.”

“Lelouch-”

“I said to be  _quiet_.” Lelouch stood up abruptly, Suzaku leaning back in his seat in surprise. “Because this is…it is…it’s  _everything_  Suzaku. The titans were never monsters, never creatures that rose out of the earth to cleanse it. They aren’t a punishment from God or three goddesses. They’re human.”

Suzaku blanched, feeling his hands begin to shake. “No.”

“It’s true.”

“It’s a lie.”

“I wish it was.” Lelouch went to take a step forward, but stopped himself. He sunk back into his chair instead, looking drained. “They’ve always been human and I…” He rubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t know why or how they first started or who first created them. If that information is out there, it’s well hidden or destroyed, all I know is what is happening now. Suzaku, there is someone out there who wants to rip down the walls and create a new kind of humanity, one without governments, without pain, without anything that resembles humanity. After all, titans have no need for kings or lies. And how much easier would it be for humanity to just stop struggling, to just become the thing that they are fighting.”

Suzaku felt sick, unable to get the words out of his mouth. Someone was trying to turn what was left of humanity into titans. He would have laughed, but he had seen shifters and it was an all too real solution. What Suzaku couldn’t fathom was why, although that was a smaller worry than the thought that had taken over his mind.

All of these years, he had been killing people.

He looked up at Lelouch, carefully pushing himself off of his chair. “Lelouch, you’re lying.”

“I wish I was.”

“No.” Suzaku made a wild motion with his arm, wobbling a bit. “You’re a liar, Lelouch.”

“Not about this.” Lelouch was looking at him with an expression full of pity, something that made Suzaku want to punch the prince in the face. But he was sure that more movement would just get his already churning stomach to finally rebel.

He fell to his knees on the floor, barely aware of the dull thud of a chair hitting the ground. He only came back to himself when he felt Lelouch grabbing at him, pulling him into a frantic hug. “Suzaku? Suzaku!”

“You’re probably smothering him.”

“Shut up!” Suzaku’s head was yanked up, Suzaku blinking as he stared up at Lelouch. He could tell that Lelouch was looking for something wrong with him, but he was still processing the fact that he had killed people.

_He hadn’t meant to grab the knife. He had just wanted something to get his father to_ stop _._

He was a murderer.

_Blood was far stickier and warm that Suzaku had thought it could ever be, and there was far too much of it. He hadn’t meant to stab his father. He had just wanted Genbu to think, because there were others and it had frightened him. The blood was on him and it wasn’t coming off_.

“Suzaku?”

He looked down at his hands, frowning when he saw the blood on them. That had been nineteen years ago, it should have come off. Titan blood always evaporated, why didn’t human blood? Why wasn’t the blood leaving?

Suzaku grunted as Lelouch slapped him, looking up at the prince as Lelouch scrambled to keep him upright. “C.C, keep watch outside. Suzaku, come on, I don’t have time for this.”

He blinked, trying to get his brain to function again. “Lelouch?”

“Yes. I’m here. Just, listen and remember, then come and find me. We can fix this, I promise.” Lelouch pushed a hand through Suzaku’s hair. “I promise you that I will fix this. But there’s more.”

“More?”

“Yes. There’s an organization, trying to make this change come through. They’ve been protecting people outside of the walls for years with shifters and the gear that we have here. They’ve gotten themselves a growing population of shifters that they can control, whole families where shifting is a trait that can be passed along and they all do his bidding because he has destroyed entire villages before, I have proof that he has. They’re scare of him and will do anything he says to make whatever he tells them come true.

“Now, there are failures to these experiments, and those are titans. Sometimes people just get sucked in. I saw it happen with a child while I was there. She just never came out of the titan and lost all signs of intelligence. They’ve managed to get a measure of success now, but you’ve seen the results of their failure, even when they tried in within the walls.”

Suzaku took a deep breath, having to force the words out between his teeth. “Why you?”

“What?”

“Why did they want you?”

Lelouch shrugged. “What better way to make cattle move than a goad?”

“God.”

“I know where they are.” Lelouch continued like he hadn’t heard Suzaku. “I know how to get back there, but I’ll need your help. I need the Scouting Legion to get out there. I have plans, I can reduce casualties. They need to die.”

“Why?”

Lelouch looked taken aback. “Why? Because no one deserves that kind of life. It’s an extended period of nonexistence. It’s not really living. Suzaku, Nunnally is in danger.”

“Of course, Nunnally.”

“You idiot.” Suzaku didn’t have time to respond before Lelouch was pulling him forward. For a moment, Suzaku thought that Lelouch was going to kiss him, but the prince stopped short.

It must have been the accusations or the year of space, because Lelouch’s gaze was darting between Suzaku’s eyes and lips. Lelouch finally made a high pitched whine, Suzaku unable to resist the temptation any longer. He grabbed Lelouch’s head and crushed their lips together.

The kiss wasn’t elegant or easy, it was sloppy and full of too much teeth to be pleasant. But Lelouch was clinging to him like he was afraid that Suzaku would drift away at any moment. He bit down on Suzaku’s lower lip, Suzaku making a partially pained noise as Lelouch pulled away. He leaned forward, trying to rest his forehead against Lelouch’s only to have the prince stand up, putting himself out of Suzaku’s reach.

“I have others I care about too.”

Suzaku reached out, trying to grab Lelouch to pull him back. “Lelouch…”

“I need this favor from you Suzaku, I’ll do anything you want to get this done. There are…people that I’d rather see dead than like that.” Lelouch took another step back, laughing brokenly. “You’re the only one I can go to with this Suzaku. Just, convince them any way you can. C.C. will bring you to me when you’re ready to make your decision.”

The sound of horses made Lelouch jump, the prince glancing up at the door. He didn’t even wait for C.C. to come back in, turning around and running out the back door of the cabin.

Suzaku knew that he should follow, especially when he heard the sound of two more horses galloping off, probably Lelouch and C.C. But he was too busy trying to process what Lelouch had said. That couldn’t have been everything, and it wasn’t the explanation that he so badly wanted. It was more than enough to leave him reeling and wishing that he had never followed C.C, because there was no way he could just leave it at that.

He licked his lips, raising his gaze from the floor when the front door of the house was kicked in. He heard it clatter to the ground somewhere, Suzaku turning his head as he heard people shouting for him.

“Lance Corporal Kururugi?”

It was the recruit, Suzaku watching the girl flutter around the table. His view of her was blocked as Chiba knelt down beside him, the woman glancing at the back door before giving him a shake. “Suzaku? Suzaku answer me.”

“Captain Chiba!” That was another member of the Scouting Legion, Suzaku not bothering to turn around to see who it was. “Lelouch and C.C, were spotted riding away from here.”

“Lelouch?” The next shake was harder, Suzaku finally managing to focus on the woman. “Suzaku, what was he doing here? What did he say to you?”

“I was…there’s new information concerning…” All he could think about was blood. Human blood didn’t evaporate. Suzaku swallowed, tasting bile. “I need to see Commander Tohdoh.”

His voice was shaky and didn’t carry any authority, but Chiba nodded. She moved away from his side, barking orders at the soldiers who had come with her.

Her absence gave Suzaku the time to stand up, something he did slowly and carefully. His stomach still felt unsettled and his head was spinning a bit, but none of that mattered. The information that Lelouch had given him was burned into his memory, information that he would deliver to Tohdoh and get checked, because the commander would need have what Lelouch had brought them was true.

Suzaku didn’t.  He had made his decision the moment Lelouch had turned away from him.


	16. Chapter 16

"Hello father." Lelouch smirked at the way that his father suddenly sat upright on his throne.

"Lelouch. I thought-"

"You thought you had gotten rid of me?" Lelouch laughed, walking up the carpet to the throne. He heard the faint grunts of the guards outside of the door being taken out, all according to plan. "You thought that I wouldn't come back because you had rewritten my memories? That I would stay out there and get eaten?"

Charles narrowed his eyes, all of the surprise disappearing from his face. "How much do you know?"

"Enough. That you've been working with your brother to 'fix' the world, that you've been providing him subjects to experiment with. That you're  _creating_ those monstrosities."

"I wouldn't expect you to understand. You're like your mother in that regard, too focused on what's right in front of you. It took years for me to convince her that what we were doing was right, and that was even with C.C."

"What does she have to do with this?"

Charles smiled, standing up from his throne. "Did she not tell you? She was there for it all. She was part of the start of it all."

"The start of what?"

"The titans."

Lelouch took a step back, aware of how his hands were shaking. He had thought that it would be easy. All he had to do was to accuse his father of his misdeeds and delay for his backup. Instead, he was confronted with truths that would bring his whole plans down. If Tohdoh and the others learned that C.C. was part of their problem then they would go after her and Charles would escape.

He wasn't even sure what to do with the news, because she had been his partner for the last year. She had been the reason that he had survived V.V's underground city outside of the walls. She had gathered all the information that he needed.

He swallowed, pushing onward. If C.C. was really involved, then he would have to question her himself. The Scouting Legion would  _not_ get their hands on her.

"I don't believe you."

"Of course you wouldn't, you're fond of her." Charles smirked, clasping his hands behind his back. "But she was the start, a program for superior soldiers. Something went wrong in the program, we don't know what but it created the titans, and that's the thing that matters. That's the part we want to replicate."

"To wipe out humanity!"

"No. To save it. Think of it, Lelouch, everyone is equal as a titan. There's no suffering, no lies. There is nothing simpler than their existence, nothing purer.  _That's_ what we should strive for, not this society that's crumbling in on itself.

"Look at it." Charles swept his hand toward the window. "Corrupted to the very core. Remove the things that make people struggle - hunger, fear, lies - and everything will be better. Think about it."

Lelouch shuddered. "It's horrible."

"That's because you aren't thinking, boy!" Lelouch flinched backwards as Charles stepped towards him, grabbing his shoulders. His teeth knocked against each other as Charles shook him. "No more suffering, no more death. You won't have to watch anyone else die, not your sisters, not your friends, not your soldier-"

"I won't know them!" Lelouch slapped his father's hands away. "I won't any of them because I'll be one of  _them_. That's not a life. That's becoming cattle! I'd take death over that."

He panted for breath, carefully watching his father's face.

Charles looked shocked, his expression quickly schooling into something like resignation. It wasn't a victory, but it was a step in the right direction. And it was enough information for Lelouch to use to move forward with the Scouting Legion. 

More importantly, it would buy him the time to get his back up forces into place.

"Lelouch, I thought you would see things more clearly, especially with what happened to your mother."

"She was killed by one of those monsters."

"She wouldn't have been, if she hadn't argued."

"You bastard."

Charles nodded slowly, Lelouch not sure what his father was agreeing with. "Then it has to be this way."

"What-" Lelouch choked on the word as Charles closed his hands around his throat. Lelouch reached up to claw at his father's hands, gasping when the grip just got tighter.

Charles just looked bored as he choked him. "You could have helped create a new world, instead of letting this one destroy itself."

Lelouch let his head loll back, his gaze fixed on the ceiling.

Charles was slow to follow his gaze, quickly dropping Lelouch when there was a whir from the rafters.

Two hooks embedded themselves in the floor, the wires quickly taking up slack as Suzaku rushed down from the ceiling. The lance corporal dropped to the empty space between Lelouch and his father, brandishing his swords.

Lelouch got back to his feet, rubbing at his throat. "Cutting it close."

"I had to be sure."

"I thought you believed me."

Suzaku quickly glanced back at Lelouch, but he didn't say anything. The lack of a response made Lelouch flinch. He had thought that Suzaku had taken his warning at face value. It was the whole reason that the Scouting Legion had risked an attack on Pendragon.

But if Suzaku had been willing to wait until it was almost too late, or when Lelouch had been killed, Lelouch didn't know where he stood.

He swallowed, turning his attention to his father. "They've heard what you planned. I've won."

The doors at the other end of the throne room slammed against the walls, more members of the Scouting Legion rushing in. Lelouch barely paid attention to them as they surrounded the king. He just smiled at his father, waiting for Charles to acknowledge the win.

Instead, Charles just put his hands on the back of his head, but he didn't look defeated. He was smiling. The expression stayed on his face even as Kallen shackled him and started to lead him from the room.

He didn't speak until he passed Lelouch, then he stopped to look at him. "No. You've delayed your defeat."

Charles was pulled away before Lelouch could demand to know what he meant. All he could do was turn and stare after his father.

Some part of him was still working on the plan, where Charles would be lead to the dungeon of the castle and executed in the morning. The people would get a full list of his crimes and an new ruler would be put on the throne. It would be Schneizel, Euphemia or Nunnally, but not him. Never him. He was too dangerous for the throne.

But most of him was shocked at what his father had said.

He jerked his shoulder away as someone touched it, turning to look back at Suzaku. For a moment, he thought he saw hurt on Suzaku's face, but it was quickly replaced by the blank look that Suzaku seemed to wear far too much now.

"About C.C-"

"Later." Lelouch didn't want to think about C.C. Not until he got the chance to talk to her first. "We have other things to deal with."

"Right." Suzaku walked away without a backward glance.

The others were quick to follow him, Lelouch standing under the weight of their long stares. They had once greeted him with smiles, but all of that had changed. Lelouch hadn't expected it to hurt so much, not when he had spent the past year telling himself that he didn't care. They had been pawns to him after all.

He had forgotten that a pawn could make a king topple.


End file.
